Writing on Taylor's casket.
Taylor's children, too young to lose their father.
Taylor, age 24--he died at age 43
We buried Taylor’s body three days
ago. It’s alone, in a steel coffin with everyone’s last words written all over
it with magic markers. We buried him at East Lawn Cemetery in Provo. All that
is there is a temporary headstone in the ground, with his last name spelled
wrong. The flowers that covered the coffin were made of gerbera daisies in
bright colors. It was beautiful. The deer, and perhaps the rabbits too, are
snacking on it. It’s an expensive midnight treat for them and is fitting.
Taylor always shared whatever he had.
Here's his obituary. Click here.
Some of the family has found peace—a
feeling of peace washed over Trent when he got my first phone call, even before
he knew what was wrong. Some are grieving. I have gone through every stage of
the grieving process several times. Mostly I cry.
Who was this boy (of 43 years) that
we buried on Saturday? Besides his extreme loneliness and sadness he was usually
a joyful person, somebody unlike anyone I have ever known. He was a boy whose
great humor covered up something. He once told his dad he never felt worthy. He
set the standards too high. He was
worthy. Worthy of our love and worthy of the love of countless others.
He was
bright and often had an unmistakable testimony of the Savior. He helped Phil
give me a blessing once as I was suffering from depression I had had for
several months. After the blessing Taylor asked to talk to me privately. He
told me, “You don’t have to suffer this, Mom. The Savior has already suffered
it for you.” The next morning I woke up and the depression was gone.
Mostly Taylor loved. He loved deeply
and completely. He also forgave. No matter what was done to him he forgave. Who
was this extraordinary individual?
He was my son.
I know that one day I will die and
he will be there, with his sweet smile and open arms, and all will be well.
I hope I can disguise my grief from
the world and the rest of the family until then, because I don’t want them to
know, I want them to see me being happy and loving them, because I do. But
always, for Taylor, I will grieve.