TRIALS

We hate them--trials--and yet they are necessary. We can't appreciate the good without the bad. I wanted to say "without the evil" but evil is such a...well, evil word.

I remember the night I was going to pray for every single family in our neighborhood. It was daunting. I got to exactly six houses when I realized that if I prayed for everyone I would be on my knees--or leaning on the bed, because of my bad knees--all night--perhaps even for days. Everyone had problems that seemed heartbreaking to me.

But there was one family that I couldn't find the trial for. I have often said to Phil, "They don't have a trial," and he would tell me "you just didn't know about it." Sadly, he was right. This week I found out and I was devastated. I love that family. Well, actually I love all of my neighbors and am devastated about their trials but this one kind of involved me too. It kind of involved everyone in our neighborhood. We are all hurting. Hurting and praying for this family but hurting for ourselves too.

And then, just tonight, I realized that every one of my neighbor's/friend's trials involve me because I know them. Because I love them. Because I recognize who they really are.

Now I ask a question...can my sharing the hurt, the humiliation, the fear--insert any number of hurtful words here--make a difference? Can my worrying, prayers, and well wishes, make a difference or not?

I remember in the beginning of one of my trials I wanted to run home to Momma, although she had died the year before. I wanted to mentally run home and thought of physically running home too, to Daddy. He wouldn't have known what to do with me but I was seriously thinking about it. And then I confessed this to one of my friends. Perhaps I was feeling her out, thinking she would give me words of confirmation. Instead she drew herself up to her full height, and in a "mind me!" sort of voice said, "Oh no you won't. You will stay right here where your support system is."

How can you deny that force? I stayed. And, indeed, my friends rallied around and made my life easier. And since we have been through that time together nothing will ever, EVER break that bond of friendship.

I don't know if my friends with the new, raw trial, will run home to "Momma"-wherever that might be--or if they will stay here where their support group is. I hope they will stay so we can heal together. I pray for it. I hope they are brave and have the common sense like I did--well, I didn't have the common sense but my friend did. Do you think if I said, "Oh no you won't!" that will sway their decision?

In the mean time, I will pray for them and for my hurting and everyone else's. Together we can heal, and in the healing we will be stronger. We will be one.