TEXTS FROM AND TO HILLARY

From Hillary (Nov. 4, 7:27 am) Why does Maddy insist on telling me her dreams every morning? Plus she Mumbles so I can't even understand her. I'll tell her to call and tell them to you.

From Lynne (Nov 4, 10:24 am) First of all I am comatose at 7:30. Second of all I detest hearing other people's dreams. Third of all I'm old, do you think I can hear mumblers? Fourth, I would love to listen to anything Maddy said. That'llbeall! :)

From Hillary (Nov. 4, 11:07 am) A. I know you detest hearing about others dreams. That's where I got it from, apparently. And 2. I am not amused that you would listen to Maddy's BORING dreams when mine are so captivating. Do you love her more than you love me? And last but not least, I didn't think you'd actually be up when I sent you that text.

From Lynne (Nov 4, 11:18 am) Well, first of all I certainly love Maddy the most. You are a hair behind because you quit piano and I hope you are sorry, and besides that, you didn't always mind. B) Maddy probably has charming dreams and it's all about the charm. 3) I don't remember what was third because so much of my brain is filled with ways to be charming that I can't be bothered with mundane lists which might, or might not, be pesky.

From Hillary (Nov. 4, 11:46 am) Excusez-moi? I was the one who gave you Maddy! Shouldn't that count for something? Plus you've ruined stringy chicken for me.

From Lynne (Nov 4, 11:58 am) Oh, I forgot about you giving us Maddy...but you didn't let me see her birthing, AND furthermore you scared us nearly to death when the crash cart, with running technicians came screeching around the corner and banged into your room so...Maddy is still ahead, In fact, she's inched forward a bit. Stringy chicken is what it is.

From Hillary (Nov. 4, 12:01 pm) If you should be mad at anyone here it should be Maddy! The was the twerp that wasn't breathing. I am a pleasure and the light of your life. Let it be written.

From Lynne (Nov. 4, 12:02 pm) You squose the breath right out of her. You should be spanked. Remind me to do that.

From Lynne (Nov. 4, 12:03 pm) Squeezed. You squeezed her.

From Hillary (Nov. 4, 12:05 pm) I just like squoozed and that's all.

From Lynne (Nov. 4, 12:06 pm) Fine!

From Hillary (Nov. 4, 12:07 pm) And why am I always the one to blame? I was helpless on the hospital bed minding my own business. Why am I to blame for my gargantuan baby not breathing?

From Lynne (Nov. 4, 12:15 pm) Well, besides the maniacal squeezing, how about the ounces of baby chunkiness the chocolate bars put on?

From Hillary (Nov. 4, 12:17 pm) Wasn't that you that ate all the chocolate bars when you were pregnant with Taylor? You've got some splaining to do about that kid. I was a picture of health with Mads.

From Lynne (Nov. 4, 12:29 pm) Taylor was just anxious to meet his charming momma--it's all about the charm, remember--that he hurried to be born, 20 minutes once we got to the hospital. YOU were the one who fiddled around, biding your time and then you, and those two other naughty babies, decided to come AT EXACTLY THE SAME TIME, and my doctor barely made it for your birth. That was the ONLY time I said "I'm going to die!" Over and over I said that. I think you've slipped in the polls.

From Hillary (Nov. 4, 12:33 pm) Firstly you have it all wrong. Charm is not most important. Cuteness is most important. And second Taylor was just prolly trying to get away from all that bad food you were feeding him. Bless your taste bud's heart.

From Lynne (Nov. 4, 12:46 pm) Charm is more important than cuteness because once you get old, and the cuteness deserts you for wrinkles and thin hair, at least people will say, "My, isn't she a charming old lady?" But, if you never develop charm you will just be a mass of bad tempered oldness.

From Hillary (Nov. 4, 12:50 pm) Besides I was trying to make an entrance. On account of I'm so fabulous. You can't rush greatness.

From Hillary (Nov. 4, 1:02 pm) I've always thought you were a charming old woman. And do you have my old pea coat? Shouldn't it fit one of my people yet?

From Hillary (Nov. 4, 1:41 pm) Are you ignoring my inquiry or just frantically trying to find my coat?

From Lynne (Nov. 4, 4:02 pm) Do we have your pea coat? I've been frantically buying good grocery deals and somehow missed your text. Oh, and some of that time was spent being charming to grocery store checkers. The world is a better place now. Your wedding dress is here--if I can't find your coat will that do? I might still have your clear dishes, too.

From Lynne (Nov. 4, 4:07 pm) I FOUND IT! As soon as I saw it I could see you standing there w/a grin on your face. You were such a cute little poppet.

From Hillary (Nov. 4, 4:10 pm) Yay, what size is it or how old was I when I wore it? The girls need warm school jackets besides their snow coats and Old Navy is having a sale.

From Lynne (Nov. 4, 4:17 pm) No size on it. Oh wait. There was a little piece of paper, folded up like an origami crab, in one pocket. It was the size tag. Size 10. Woo hoo! It will fit Miss Madds. Your coat looks brand new. It's very well made. When I wasn't being charming I was buying you good clothes. I'm nice like that.

From Lynne (Nov. 4, 4:42 pm) PS Charming OLD woman??? You are in big trouble, sister.

And then Hillary called me and we chatted in real voice and she is indeed in trouble, but I might forgive her because she's going to give me another grandchild. Her baby is due on the 18th but she has to have a C-section--because both of her other girls gave the doctor a heart attack, practically, because they were so big and he thought he was going to lose them and Hillary, and he said the next one would come safely. And then he quit practicing and went on a mission and so Hillary's new doctor has scheduled the baby's birth day and that's that. Baby Daisy will be born on the 11th.


PS I once had a picture of Hillary in the pea coat, which will now belong to Maddy. It was on the fridge for years! I think Hillary stole it. Now she is REALLY in trouble.