HAVE YOU EVER...?

Have you ever meditated something that you were embarrassed about?

Me too.

And no, I'm not telling you.

I'm just wondering if you had.

EMBARRASSING MOMENT NUMBER TWO--GIMMIE ME A BABY JESUS!

These are some of my favorite Christmas decorations. I think I am the only one in the family who adores these fellows. And how I got them is embarrassing, even now, all these years later.

Look at the lovely detail on Mr. Monty Dromedary. His dreamy eyes, his prickly topknot. He is regal if every any animal were. Don't mind the fact that he spits. The sheep are only interested in dinner. They've only been interested in dinner for years and years.

Okay, on to the story of my great insensitivity and even greater embarrassment:

Years and years ago when Kraut was age two we lived in Greensboro, North Carolina. I worked for a cosmetic company called Carté. One of my customers was a lovely Jewish woman a few years older than me.

One day she took me to her synagogue to show me her little "store." She was proud of the many beautiful things she had stocked. I fell in love with some of the handmade animals and people that had been made in Jerusalem. I bought two camels, two sheep, and a "barber." I thought he looked like a shepherd or maybe a camel driver.

"I want to buy more," I told her. She looked and looked for the catalog but couldn't find it.

"Just tell me what you want and when I find the catalog I'll give you a call."

"I want a baby Jesus and a Mary and Joseph," I said with sincere stupidity.

She didn't say anything. In fact she kind of hurried me out and I never heard from her again. I wonder why?

SIX WORDS FOR EMBARRASSING MOMENTS--THE SLITHERING SLIP

Elastic lost it's oomph, slip slithered.