I SHOULDN'T BE BLOGGING

I shouldn't be blogging. I'm dead on my feet. I still have manuscripts to read before my Writer's for Young Reader's class tomorrow. Claudia Mills is my teacher and she's fabulous. If you ever "do" Writer's for Young Readers and Claudia is teaching you should be in her class. She is also nice. How can anyone be so nice? Nice and talent sometimes don't go together but she makes it work. And she's a philosophy professor at University of Colorado. So she's smart, talented, nice and funny. She got several people's talent and they are left with only their bodily functions, functioning. Probably.

I follow 42 blogs plus there are several more I check daily that don't have the "follower" feature, but I only read three tonight. I read my daughter's , because she's my daughter and she blogged about me, my daughter-in-laws, because I love her like a daughter and then there is Shan, who's title pulled me right in: The Three Pound Poop. I had to read that one. I looked at all the others with longing but had to save them for tomorrow.

Lord Bumhampton had a friend once who had a similar problem as Shan's little friend. He left an offering in the downstairs toilet. It wouldn't flush. That is the honest truth. It was impressive! It wouldn't flush for many times. He was a good sport about it and later told me, "All my family have the same problem but we solved it. We now take fiber!"

So, if you have a poopage problem, take a little fiber. And if you don't you should probably write something. Or blog. Or be a philosophy professor. Or at least be nice.

And when this week is over I have another Mrs. Bird story to tell you. Stay tuned.

PS I probably shouldn't say the word, "poop" on a blog should I? When I typed it into the "labels" I see I've talked about it before. I really should repent. Probably.

WHY RICH WOMAN WILL SOON BLOG

I am not political. I don't really understand politics. I am not a flag waver although I love my country and the flag and freedom and all else that our country stands for. Mostly, I love what this country stands for. I certainly don't like the things the American media is sending out to the world--R rated movies, PG 13 movies that should be R rated, etc. and all the crap--pardon my language--that is on TV--all the violence and crime shows and everything else--except "House," which may have some redeeming value as it gives us ideas for new illnesses we might think we have--even if he is an impossible curmudgeon, and "Lost," which is so ridiculous with all the twists and turns and back stories and forward stories and hidden meanings that you keep watching just to keep your mind active. But today I am going to be political, just this once.

Rich woman and rich men are going to be taxed, heavily. Here is what I think will happen.

Rich wife: Honey, I am going to be taxed so much that it isn't going to be worth it to run my little business anymore--her "little" business is worth a hefty sum.

Rich husband: I am going to be taxed on my business/businesses, too that I don't think it's worth all the never ending work it takes to keep my business/businesses running .

Rich wife: What should we do?

Rich husband: Let's quit. Let's down size. Sell the winter home and the summer home and just live in this one house, like normal people.

Rich wife: I think that makes a lot of sense. I would have time to clean my own house if I didn't have a business to run.

Rich husband: Let's do it.

So they do and hundreds of people are out of work, everyone from the maid who did the dusting to the vice presidents of the companies. The economy takes a nose dive as they are not the only ones who think all the hard work is no longer worth it. Rich people all over the country will think it is no longer worth it. Who provides jobs for the masses? The rich people. And what will happen if the rich people are taxed right out of business? More poverty for the common man. I'm not saying that rich people shouldn't pay taxes, I'm just saying, be careful, America. It's the rich that keep the economy going by providing jobs and when it no longer becomes worth it...well, what do you think will happen?

And that is why rich women will soon blog. They will have time. They will live like normal people and look for other avenues for their creative talents. Besides dusting, that is.

RICH WOMEN DON'T BLOG

They don't have time: They have gigantic houses to clean. They have beautiful decorations for every season to put out, dust, monitor and keep the kids/grandkids away from and then put away after the holiday is over. They have "help" to watch over and pay. They have magazines to peruse so they will be in the top of the fashion game. They have to shop to procure the latest fashion. They have to go to the gym so they can fit into the latest fashion. They have to spend lots of time in the beauty salon getting their hair "foiled" or whatever they call it now. They have to go to Costco several times a week to buy pre-prepared meals and fresh spinach and strawberries so they can make an impressive salad to go with the pre-prepared meals. They have to volunteer at their kids exclusive private school so their kids will be admitted to Haaaarvaard when the time comes. They also sometimes run corporations and wear suits and high heels on a weekday. They are frustrated because they have so many things to do and so they work harder, helping their husbands make more money or making it themselves so they can buy a summer home and a winter one, too and then they have to work some more to afford the insurance and it takes a lot of energy to furnish those houses, too. And they have to be re-furnished often as styles change in the architectural magazines she reads. They have no time to spend in those summer/winter houses because they are planning a cruise with friends they really don't like but they network with so their business can grow or because they will be a good contact for the kids to find an impressive job with once they have gone to Harvard and gotten their Master's degree. There is no time for blogging.

While the average blogger has three or seven kids, a mortgage she can't afford so she runs an Etsy shop on the side and swaps babysitting with the neighbor that she's not totally fond of, but needs some alone time to make jewelry, so she puts up with her. She also is kind to her bratty kids, when it's her turn to tend. She blogs because she wants to give back to the world and also because she needs friends that she really doesn't have time for. She is lucky to read any magazine and does so while waiting in line at the grocery store and it's usually the one that says, "loose 42 pounds by summer." She is frantically trying to find the article when the checker is finished scanning her items but she puts the magazine back because it's too much money. She'll have to be fat by summer. She scrapes her hair back in a pony tail because she can't--or won't--spend the money to have it styled. She would walk through fire for her kids but won't take a half hour for herself on the treadmill. She's collapsed in front of the TV, watching someone on the Food Channel make food out of ingredients she doesn't have on hand and won't buy because she will never use it again. She is frustrated because she has so many things to do so she blogs.

MUCH TO SAY, BUT NOT ENOUGH TIME TO DO IT

I have lots to say but can't tonight because everything deserves some time. Actually, it's all about people and that shouldn't be rushed, even if no one but me reads it.

I will just say this:

I met a marvelous woman--whose blog I follow--today. More about her later.

I met with my personal history group. The girl whose house we meet at wrote an incredible poem which gave me much to think about. She is a very intuitive woman and one of the best people I know. More later.

I got a tender email from a friend, which I cannot tell about later, but which touched me, helped me--her cousin said it would and he didn't even know me or know that it was me it would help--and which gave me many, many things to ponder. She blesses my life. I have printed it so I can read it again and again.

I'm going on a trek with one of my incredible sons tomorrow and I am looking forward to it more than I would have realized. I helped him up when he fell down when he was a baby and now he helps me up when I emotionally fall down. Life is a never ending circle, perhaps. And he's funny.

I am so lucky to have my daughter's sister-in-law as a friend. She is also incredible. Pictures soon to follow of the dearest ornament ever which is all about love.

I read people's blogs on this marvelous thing we call the Internet and am amazed at people's goodness, complexity, commitment, joy and triumph over sorrow and down right funniness. My daughter, Gilmore Girl always seems to say just the thing to make me smile, and just when I need it. How lucky I am to have children.

One of these days I need to finish my ABC's of gratitude. I don't even know what letter I'm on. So, that will come later too.

That's all, nothing said but everything promised.

SIX WORDS FOR PRESIDENT UCHTDORF'S MESSAGE

Be creative and blog, Gilmore Girl.

SIX WORD BLOGGING DILEMMA

Blogging infringes on needed activities. Maybe?

TO BLOG OR NOT TO BLOG

Blogging takes time. Time I should be writing. Time I should be reading. And--ahem--time I should be cleaning and cooking.

Yesterday I read the First Presidency message in the April Ensign, twice, and it felt so good. I read it again today. It is called Treasure of Eternal Value and after reading it I realized I live both in the past and the future: feeling remorse or happiness over past events and worrying about future ones. President Monson says I should prepare for the future but live in the present. He's right, of course.

Which leads to my dilemma. I spend time blogging that maybe I should spend writing, or reading about how to write better, or reading uplifting books, the Ensign, the scriptures--I could even do good works, which I don't seem to be doing a lot of right now. I do my church job but maybe not fabulously, like I should. And my favorite hobby, reading blogs, is out the window. I miss my bloggy friends, there just isn't time to get to them all and when I do I don't take the time to leave comments.

So, I have a decision to make. Maybe I won't quit blogging completely, just not do it every day. And if I don't blog every day will I write more? If not then it doesn't make sense because when I blog I am at least writing something.

What should I do? Maybe I need to figure out how to add more hours to my day. Anyone have the secret to that? Then I could do everything and have time for a nap.

FOUR TIMES FOUR ANSWERS

This came via email today. If anyone wants to do it on their blog...well, it would be a post and you'd be done for the day. I'm done for the day and it's not even three-thirity in the afternoon. Practically a record for me.

Four, Four, Four, Four...

A) Four places that I go to over and over:

1. Church --The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints--The Mormons

2. Grocery store, Costco, the most, probably or maybe Days Thriftway

3. J-Dawg, for those incredible Polish dogs, or Heaps, for the great salad bar, or Smart Cookie for the yummy lemon cookies with crunchy lemon bits baked right in, or Chuck-A-Rama on Thursday for their Mexican salad, or Dairy Queen, late at night, for those frosty's—do you see a pattern here? Not so good. But, hey, call me and I'll pick you up, and away we'll go. It will be fun. We will visit and eat stuff.

4. My writing/critique groups.

B) Four people who e-mail me (regularly):

1. Pam --who always seems to know exactly what to say to life my spirits.

2. Cheryl--who should blog. She has the most incredibly funny things happen to her or maybe she just looks at life with joy.

3. Terri--who also should blog for the same reason.

4. Gilmore Girl--who doesn't email me so much so she really should blog.

Everyone who thinks all these people should blog raise your hand. The voting appears to be unanimous.

C) Four places I would rather be right now:

1. In the Swiss Alps or maybe Paris. If "right now," then the Alps because Paris would be hot and with all the dog doo problem, that Paris has going on, it wouldn't be pleasant.

2. Back in time to when the kids were little and everything was hectic but not as stressful as now, how I'd love to gather them up on my lap and read to them or sit with them on the lawn swings, eating popcorn and rhubarb and just letting them be silly, entertaining Phil and me.

My favorite lawn swing memory is when Lord Bumhampton was about two or three-years-old and Mom was here. It was time to put him to bed but we were on the lawnswings--the lawnswings were out back, that year. We didn't want to go in so we bathed Lord Bumhampton in a bucket on the patio. He was all blond and slippery-wet and delighted to be bathing in a bucket.

Then we "jammied" him and cuddled him down and stayed out there until way past dark, just talking. The crickets turned on and so did the stars and Mom and I sat in friendly mother-daughterness for a long time while Lord Bumhampton went to sleep in my arms. So if I could go back in time maybe that would be two of my choices, once with the kids and once with my Mom and a sleeping toddler.

3. In New York City for a week with a purse full of money and tickets to everything

4. San Francisco, ditto with that full-purse thing. Or maybe Carmel.

D) Four people I wish I were more like:

1. Jeanne Inouye, for about fifty different reasons, some of which are her grace, her love for everyone, her dignity under difficult situations, her wish to be happy and to share her happiness with others, her work ethic, etc. She is one of those people who you cannot believe is real because she is so perfect and yet she makes you feel like you are just who you should be, even if you're not.

2. Terri, Pam, Cheryl and Gilmore Girl for their insaneness. They laugh--and I laugh more when I am with them--than can be imagined.

3. Eleanor Roosevelt, but prettier.

4. Sarah Barlow. She has the most giving heart. She wants to help others all the time--and does. And Boyd Helquist, who is such a social person and he makes everyone feel they are important in his life. He always walks down to talk to us if he sees we are outside, even if he just has a minute to spend. He's that way with everyone.

E) Four TV shows I watch all the time:

1. "Lost," when it's on--and that's what, 12 to 14 times a year? Big whoop.

2. Cooking shows, I don't know why, it doesn't inspire me to cook. I used to cook. Poor Phil, having a wife who used to cook.

3. That's about it--oh, maybe a movie we get from Net Flix—I order never-heard-of-before-movies, the feel-good kind and Phil thinks are lame--the latest one was DEAR FRANKIE, which I loved and he slept through. He has put EVERY SINGLE EPISODE OF 24 on our Queue so I won't be watching TV anymore at all! He thinks Jack Bower is real. Don't tell anyone, it's embarrassing.

4. Oh, wait, "Everybody Loves Raymond," I watch over Phil’s shoulder after he watches the news. I, of course, am on the computer. Blogging, probably, or perhaps waiting for the Muse.

I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN

I was searching for a blog subject tonight and I decided to go to my favorites file and close my eyes and run the courser--or is it cursor? Curses, I don't know which. Anyway, I decided to run that little arrow/hand up and down, and then stop, and with the eyes still closed pick a web site. Maybe, I thought, there will be an idea for a blog there.

Guess what? It was Orson Scott Card's web site where 34 of his writing lessons are posted. Wouldn't you know it? Me, not writing today, and of over 900 web sites in my favorites file, I pick his.

"This means something," said in my best Richard Dreyfus's voice, from the movie Close Encounters of the Third Kind.

I should have known.

So, I must write. I hope some of you are writing too.

PS Orson's website has had 6, 388,452 since June 8, 1996. Impressive. Also, I once lived in Greensboro, NC. If things had turned out differently I might still be there and have been able to take classes from Uncle Orson. Then, I would be writing about a girl in a mythical city in a made up world, fighting aliens and not a funny story about a girl, somewhat autobiographical, with a totally bossy older sister. Sorry sis, you know you were.

PPS If you ever find the DVD or video Close Encounters of the Weird Kind let me know. It was a parody of the movie mentioned above and it was hilarious. I googled it. Totally weird stuff came up. Totally.