KRAMER'S JAIL TIME ROOMMATE

I call Kramer the "Bad Barker." His mission in life is to sit by the front window and protect the neighborhood from everything, including leaves blown by the wind. In fact, he protects the neighborhood from the neighbors. He gets so upset he nearly tears the blinds off the windows. When he goes wild like that he has to have a time out. "Time-out," is the crate we use to take the cats to the Vet.

Kramer had lots of time out's today. When I went to let him out once, I saw an annoyed looking Pika in there. I knew I had put Kramer in there but he was nowhere to be found. And then...all of a sudden, he popped out! And nearly knocked me over getting out of there. Pika wasn't too happy about the whole episode either.

You'd think either she would quit having naps in there or he would quit barking so he didn't have to go to time out. Not so, they are both slow learners--just like so many of us.

I'm not naming names but SOMEONE hates stacks of paper that multiply like rabbits and yet...that someone keeps writing and running things off on the printer and copying recipes that someone has no intent of cooking/baking, etc. and the paper piles up. We should stuff it all in the Time-out box so Pika and Kramer would have something to read while they are waiting for their release.

THINGS I DO WHILE WAITING FOR MY COMPUTER TO GET OVER ITS TANTRUMS

I pluck various hair in various spots on my face. They are black. They have no right to grow there. They must go. “I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows." (Janette Barber)

I sigh.

I paint my nails.

I press Alt-Tab.

Because I pressed Alt-Tab, in a sloppy angry way, I have to repaint my nails.

I drum my fingers on the keys.

I floss my teeth.

I get up and clean the cat box, thinking that by the time I get back the computer will be over its temper tantrum. Usually it is still holding its breath.

Because I cleaned the cat box with wet nails, I repaint.

I watch a rerun of "House."

After House has saved the person from leprosy or some other interesting disease I come back, and if the computer is functioning I have forgotten the story--email--blog and then I sigh and complain.

And then I go to bed. It is 1:00 AM. Or maybe 2:00.