MARY POPPINS WAS A CANNIBAL

When one of my granddaughters was four years old she loved to sing. One day her mom was listening to her and did a double take. This is what she heard:

"A spoonful of sugar makes the Mexican go down, Mexican go down, Mexican go down.

"Just a spoonful of sugar makes the Mexican go down, in the most delightful way."

And now you know the little known secret: Mary Poppins was a Cannibal.

THE BROWN DOT HAS A NEW TOY

The Brown Dot and Mary Poppins came over tonight to pick up some caramels to give to Mary's fellow students in honor of her birthday. Happy Birthday, nine-year-old!

The Brown Dot brought his new toy. He regularly buys new toys from Woot.com. This new toy is a infrared laser thermometer.

"What good is it?" someone asked.

He looked like everyone in the room had lost their minds. "What good is it? I've always wanted to know the temperature of things. Look!" And then he showed, and told us the temperature of everything IN THE WHOLE HOUSE.

Don't mind the tower of Babel Christmas boxes, waiting to be unloaded.

Yes, he demo'd the temperature of the inside of his nostril. Lucky us, to know the temperature of his nostrils.

His toes are cooler than his foot.We now know the temperature of Phil's ear.The fridge was very cool. But not as cool as the freezer. The fireplace took first place. It was 600 degrees. And this, children, is why you do not leave the fire on when you leave the house for two hours like we did yesterday. Do as we say, not as we do.Jesus was one degree cooler than Heavenly Father in our print of the stained glass of The First Vision in the Palmyra Temple, New York. Or maybe it was the other way around. It's hard to tell Jesus from Heavenly Father.Mary Poppins gave her dad a hug and I, the ever alert photographer, always on the lookout for family unity, took their picture. The Brown Dot, being my child, pulled a face.
I sighed. "Retake," I said. Another face. I sighed again. "Retake."
He is ever willing to show me new photography techniques and take my temperature at the same time.
And then he almost cooperated. Mary Poppins ALWAYS cooperates.
On the way out the door he took one last reading.
"Look'it, Ma," he said. He calls me "Ma" sometimes, just like a real redneck. "The snow is seven degrees."
And then he and my darling grandchild departed in the seven degree weather and went home.

I am so lucky to have a quirky son. I'm also lucky to know about Woot--it's a fun place to check every day. Like I need one more Internet site to check every day.

May you all have a lovely night and perhaps, if you've been good this year, Santa will leave a laser temperature gun in your stocking and then you too can take the temperature of your nostril and everything else. And if you are lucky enough to have a mother like me you can announce the results to her and make a faces when she takes your picture. She will be so proud.

BUILD-A-BEAR STORE--AKA EMPTY-YOUR-WALLET-HERE STORE!

Today we met our beautiful granddaughter, Mary Poppins and her mom and the other three beautiful grandkids at the mall. It's Mary Poppins' birthday tomorrow. She is turning eight. Next month she will be baptized and receive the gift of the Holy Ghost. Eight is a wondrous age and Mary Poppins is a wonderful little girl. Very loving, smart, sensitive and has the most beautiful eyes you will ever see on a child. She has a good heart which is the best of all her qualities.

Anyway, we were going to buy her a build-a-whatever-she-wanted at the Build-a-Bear store. I had a $5.00 off coupon, which I couldn't find when it was time to go to the store. Coupons have a way of doing that to me. I have them until I need them and then I have-them-not. Until they expire, then I have them again.

Mary Poppins picked a pink spotted leopard, it's name is Pawfect Pink Leopard, it is very cute. Then the lady starts adding things. A Build-a-Sound? A Heart Beat? She doesn't ask the one paying the bill, just asks the child. Our sensible Mary Poppins didn't want those things. Whew.

"Okay," the Super-Sonic-Build-a-Bear-Sales-Person (her father was a carny-barker) said, "Go give her a bath and then go pick out her clothes." Not, "Would you care to look at clothes?" Just, "Go pick them out!" An order. An animal couldn't walk out naked? Like nature intended?

I looked at Phil. The whites of his eyes were showing all around his pupils. "Clothes?" he mouthed. I shrugged.

"I'm paying for the clothes," Mary Poppins's darling mother said. She has been there before. She recognized a shell shocked grandfather when she saw one.

Mary Poppins picked out a khaki, pleated skirt, a shirt and shoes. Shoes? Yes, shoes. Obviously a well dressed panther wears shoes on his feet but not his other feet which seem to be hands.

"I don't know why these animals need clothes," Mary Poppins's mother said. "They never stay dressed anyway."

Mary Poppins grinned. She was already planning to strip the Pawfect Pink Panther's clothes off as soon as she got home. I could tell. She will mean to re-dress her but the chances of it happening are slim. Especially when it comes time to take Pawfect to bed. Who wants to sleep with a panther with scratchy clothes and clunky shoes?

Then Mary Poppins and her mother registered the well dressed animal, Mary Poppins gave it a name. JoJo. A birth certificate was printed out and we went to pay. The clothes cost as much as the bear! Oh my stars! I looked at Mary Poppins's Mother. The whites of my eyes were now showing all around the pupils.

"I've been here before," Mary Poppins's mother said dryly. "I looked like that the first time."

I gave Mary Poppins a hug as we left the store. "Thank you," I mouthed over the top of her head at her mom.

"You're welcome," she said. "Those clothes won't stay on ten minutes," she said with half closed eyes as she slowly shook her head.

She sighed. We sighed. Mary Poppins sighed. We all sighed for different reasons and then we all departed, leaving the Build a Bear store almost $50.00 richer.

I logged onto the Build a Bear website when I got home. They have stores in every state and nineteen countries. Nineteen! Including India. I thought India had poverty unlimited. Maybe that's why. All the little stuffed animals are running around with expensive clothes made in China for pennies and the savvy woman who invented this Build-a-Bear empire is vacationing in Nassau, sipping ice cold drinks on the beach and laughing every time she hears a cash register ring another sale. She is laughing almost non-stop.

I'm sure she deserves it. Her stores are darling, they really are and Mary Poppins had a wonderful time. She got a giant sticker on her sweater, saying it was her birthday. She got to ring a big school bell and everyone in the store yelled "Happy Birthday," but I have to ask one question? Can't animals be happy being naked?

Obviously not, or the genius behind this empire would only be sipping ice water in Miami instead of whatever she pleases in Nassau or St. Maarten or whatever is the vacationing mecca this year.

Happy birthday, darling Mary Poppins and happy birthday JoJo, the Pawfect Pink Leopard. May you and Mary Poppins have great times together. We love you, Mary Poppins, forever and ever. Grandma and Grandpa