THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN WOMEN AND MEN

Last Sunday we woke up to a world of snow. Phil didn't have to be to his BYU ward until 9:00 and so he volunteered to drive me to church. I was happy to accept. I was quite early and so, as usual, I was going through my church bag as I take notes of all the announcements in both Sacrament meeting and Relief Society and needed to make sure I had a pen. (I forward the Relief Society bulletin with all the announcements in the body of that email.) In my search, I also found that I left home without my keys.

The people behind were watching when I made the discovery. They also heard me say that Phil wouldn't be home until the middle of the afternoon. Our church was over at noon.

"Don't worry about it, Lynne," said LouAnn. "You can come home with us."

"You should carry an extra key in your wallet," her husband said.

And there you go. The difference between women and men.

WHICH ONE WOULD BE YOUR BEST FRIEND

The woman who says she only does one thing well, and that's fold grocery store bags properly for later use and then she meticulously demo's how? Or the woman who says she doesn't do anything well at all and she swoops all the air out of the bags, folds them in half, folds them in half again and stuffs them in the drawer?

The woman who teaches high school kids to appreciate art and then teaches them to make art? Or the woman who rolls up her pant legs and wades in the irrigation ditch?

The woman who laughs at everything and nothing? Or the woman whose life didn't go as planned and laughs while telling you what's wrong with your children?

The woman who can't think of anything to blog about so she makes something up? Or the woman who can't think of anything to blog about so she spares the world and doesn't blog?

The woman who buys a Harley at age 60, buys a sailboat and plans to live on it? Or the woman who meditates and rides an imaginary Harley, goes imaginary sky diving, and learns to imaginary sail? (The poor sap)

The woman who says, "Isn't that fun?" about EVERYTHING? Or the woman who says, "Show me the fun in that!" and then laughs anyway because she doesn't know what else to do?

The woman who was a player in high school and is now remorseful, regretful, afraid of everyone and everything? Or the woman who writes about the player, gives her power, and makes her the hero?

The woman whose family isn't perfect and she loves them to bits anyway? Or the woman whose family isn't perfect and so she tells you about the successful ones?

The woman who reads other people's blogs and thinks to herself Whoa, those women are amazing? Or the woman who says, "What's a blog?"

The woman who says she's one of your best friends and then stabs you in the back or the poor sap who can't get over it?

The woman who says hot dogs have nitrates and are bad for you and will kill you dead and will probably make your complexion look bad in your coffin? Or the woman who says, "J-Dawgs? Did you say J-Dawgs?" and she fumbles in her purse for three dollars.

The woman who goes to bed at 4:00 a.m. because she's rewriting a chapter for a dumb book? Or the one who goes to bed at a reasonable hour and is perfect. (And besides that, the chapter failed on SO many levels.)

I can't decide. I've lost track of most of the women who do or don't do these things and I am the other one. Will you be my best friend even if I'm flawed, childish, wade in ditches, love my family to bits, and most of the time, have no life?

And would you forgive the woman who had nothing to say and blogged anyway?

NO ELECTION TALK HERE

I will be the one lone blog not saying anything about the election. Except to say that we must work together. We must do what we can to make this country great and be the good people we are destined to be.

Now, a bit of drivel, if I could just think of something to say....

Well...I did go to card class tonight where the emphasis is on friendship, not cards--but the cards were darling too.

It is like therapy to be able to go to Gaye's, to sit and be surrounded by talk flowing around you, no one dominating the conversation, everyone loving everyone else. Earlier today my personal history group met. Everyone read different stories, we've all had different experiences, lived different lives, are different ages and yet are the same. There is deep, real friendship among us.

Tonight a friend called and we must have talked for an hour and a half, about nothing and everything.

This is the kind of thing that women need. Besides shelter and love and maybe a baby or two--or five, they need friendship. Men, not so much. That didn't read right. Women need men, at least I do, one man--Phil, that is, but men don't seem to need friendship so much. Not like women do.

And shopping. A man's idea of shopping is have a need and figure out what store carries the item that is needed. He might call first and see which store has the cheaper price. Then he goes there and buys it. Mission accomplished.

Women's idea of shopping is to go to a store or to a bunch of stores and see what's there. At any store at any time. They don't necessarily need anything, it's the "looking" that accomplishes their mission. I can't count the number of times I've been leaving to go shopping and Phil has said, "What do you need?"

"Nothing," I say.

"Then why are you going?"

"To shop."

"But you just said you don't need anything," he says

"I don't. And I probably won't buy anything, either."

"I don't get it. You don't need anything, probably won't buy anything and yet you have to go shopping."

"Right," I say, giving him a kiss. "You finally got it." And away I go.

So, nothing in this post is important, not like the fate of the nation. Or even the fate of the economy, which wouldn't be so good if women stayed home and didn't shop when they didn't need anything.

SIX WORDS FOR THAT'S HOW THINGS REALLY ARE

Women know it's no laughing matter.