GOOD THINGS

Today our son, Taylor, who thinks he is sixteen years old and that jumping down EIGHT stairs won't be hurtful, had surgery on his broken ankle. The doctor put two screws--that look like they are three inches long--in his bone to hold it together. The good news: His ankle is going to be fine. The bad news, he can't walk on it for six weeks. Get well and heal soon, son. We love you.

PS Being sixteen years old is overrated.This is our neighbor, Boyd who is also our home teacher. The little porcupine is his eight-month old grandson who has had hair like this since the day he was born.

And how nice is it that Boyd came to share his grandson with us. Who else would do such a thing? Boyd would, who is the best kind of a friend. We love him and his little porcupine, too.

This is the amaryllis Boyd gave us for Christmas. It bloomed in early February. Now, in March it is blooming again. So far it has two flowers but two more are on the way. What a faithful flower it is. The first bloom is busy making seeds. The last good thing is that I've found a new fingernail polish that I love. It's called China Glaze and is way superior to O. P. I. I bought a red and it lasted five days before I had to redo it. Then I bought a pink and it lasted a week and four days before it needed redoing. The index fingernail had to have a quick redo after day six, not because it chipped but because it wore off the edge from constant dish washing and my repotting the geraniums that I had stored in the basement. Really, this is the best fingernail polish I've ever used. You should buy some. Unless you are a boy and then you should buy some for your favorite girl.

I hope you had some good things in your life today, too. If not, they are a comin', I just know it.

WHY BLOGGERS MUST USE ROGAINE

Because, when their Internet connection is down--as it was earlier here. For. EVER!--they tear their hair out.

New hair should be back in by fall.

THICKER HAIR

I bought a Rogaine knock-off product--Wal-Mart's brand--Equate. It was only eighteen dollars for a three month supply. My hair is a little thin, I want the thick lustrous I had as a ten year old--probably not possible but I'm giving it a shot. The only thing that worries me is are these instructions: Wash hands if you use your fingers to massage product into the scalp AND make sure hair is dry before going to bed.

If I don't wash my hands will I have hairy fingers? If I don't dry my hair before bed will my pillow get wet and then will my face come in contact with the wet pillow and then...will I grow facial hair?

I am ordering a Hijab just in case. Actually this would cover up the thinning hair too. And hey, if I looked like her I wouldn't care if I were bald. Okay, I might care a little. Okay a lot. Okay, I'm a little bit vain. So I guess I will continue with the Rogaine knock-off and just put up with the hairy fingers. And the facial hair? I have tweezers and know how to use them.

THE EINSTEIN CLUB, part 3. STUCK ON A FLY STRIP.

We have moths in our house. We've seen a dozen or so in two or three months. I am worried that they are some kind of "grain moth."

I don't want weevils--or whatever the pupa stage of this moth is--in my pantry. And if they ever got in the basement it would not be good.


So, I bought something I would have never thought I would ever need. A fly strip. Yes, I know. Disgraceful, but what do you do? Let one grain moth live and later be faced with the plagues of Egypt.

This happened to a friend of mine. She and her husband teach at BYU. They were taking a group of students to Spain for a semester abroad. They left a clean and tidy house. What they didn't know is that in some product they brought home from the grocery store there was a hitchhiker--a grain moth. Pregnant. They closed the house and in several months, when they opened the door and turned on the lights the whole room took flight--a plague of Egypt.


I have no desire to participate in a plague experiment, no matter how educational and historic.


So, up went two fly strips, one behind the pantry door and one in the basement. The pantry strip caught three moths or maybe three parts of moths. It's hard to tell.


The basement fly strip didn't catch any moths. It did catch something else. Me! Let me tell you, those suckers are sticky! No moth is escaping, unless he leaves his wings behind. I nearly tore the fly trap in half, getting my hair out of it.


I had to go upstairs and wash that part of my hair. And my hands. Again and again. Fly trap goo is stubborn.


So, I went to lunch--I was a few minutes late but she was a few minutes late plus one more minute so I didn't have to explain. I chatted and was charming and never said that I was a fly strip victim. I mean, how embarrassing is that? First, admitting you have a pest problem and then admitting you actually put up a fly strip. And then, admitting it caught you.


Here is why I don't want moths in the basement. I can see I was going to make some serious Chex mix over Christmas. Or some muddy buddies. Now what do I with all that cereal? We don't eat cereal. Anyone think Chex Mix or Muddy Buddies are a stupid thing to serve for Easter? Yah, me too.

And looking at these photos I know I need to clean and organize the basement. I think I will take down the fly strip first. No sense in tempting fate.

SIX WORDS FOR FAILED ALIEN ABDUCTION

The sky-vacuum only got dandruff.

ALIEN ABDUCTION FAILURE

The sky-vacuum's power had to be diminished because of the noise and they couldn't get liftoff. It only fluffed her hair.

"I love feeling the wind in my hair." she said, smiling at the friendly photographer. "I adore fall, don't you?"

If you had been vacuumed properly, I would, he thought. I would have gotten some spectacular photos of your ascension.

"Yes," he said. "I love all the seasons."

"Me too," she said. "Me too."

www.justinhackworth.com

THE ANATOMY OF A MURDER

Men shower, shave, get dressed and are ready to go.

Women shower, shaves legs and arm pits, blow dries hair, curls hair, puts on moisturizer, cover-up and make-up AFTER diligently surveying the face to see if there is a stray hair that needs to be plucked, pumices her feet and then lotions her feet, lotions many other parts of the anatomy such as legs, paints the toe nails, clips, files and paints the fingernails, checks face again to make sure the eyebrows don't need plucking and then gets the magnifying glass out to survey the chin, once again, just in case, puts on pantyhose, takes pantyhose off because there is a tiny run starting, throws pantyhose in the garbage and makes a disgusted noise in the back of her throat, checks the underwear drawer for a new pair of pantyhose, finding none she throws on some clothes, goes to the store and buys some, comes home, get undressed, puts the pantyhose on, finishes dressing, crams her feet into uncomfortable shoes--are there ANY shoe that is truly comfortable...other than sandals or tennis shoes?, puts on some perfume, rechecks hair and fixes the stray lock--this is after either bleaching or dyeing or highlighting, perming or straightening her hair and having to have it cut and styled every four to six weeks--stands in front of the mirror, sucks in her stomach and thinks, I went through nine months of pregnancy, eighteen hours of labor and when they are teenagers they will ignore me or blatently rebel and all I'll have to show for it is this pouchy tummy and why isn't there a bra that is comfortable and will put the girls back where they used to be, that's all I want to know?, she makes sure the sitter has snacks and that the kids are bathed and in jammies and that the sitter has strict instructions that the kids are to be in bed on time, all the while knowing that when she gets home the kids will be up and wild as March hares because the sitter found the gummy worms that were hidden behind the saltine crackers and bribed the kids so she could watch The Office and talk on her cell phone, and the house will look like a bomb went off, all the couch cushions will be on the floor except for the one that is missing and won't be found until the shower is turned on in the morning and it is soaking wet, and then...when she is finally ready her husband says, "Why can't you ever be ready on time?"

And that is why rat poison has such brisk sales.