AT CHURCH TODAY

Today in Relief Society our President was giving the lesson. She took it from Julie Beck's talk in the October 2007 Women's Conference. Our President is a darling woman who out-works, out-"relief's" and out-does me in everything and I adore her. First off she puts up a poster board on the white board-magnetic board with two magnets. The title of her poster was "Increase in Faith and Personal Worthiness." The magnets weren't strong enough and her poster slowly slid. The other counselor--I call her the Russian Princess--said, "Oh, oh, it looks like our faith is slipping."

Later Madam President was making a list of all the things the audience members suggested that women do. Things like "teach," and "cook," and "nurture." Someone said, "We're compassionate." Madam President said, "Well, that's one I'm certainly not!" Which really surprised me because he is the very essence of compassion. She turned around and wrote the word, "Passionate." I tried not to snort but it was difficult. Someone corrected her she laughed and just shook her head as if to say, "I can't believe I said that."

One woman said she was at the mall with her seventeen year old grandson and the displays at Victoria's Secret were particularly offensive. She was very embarrassed and he was too. Later she found out that several women had written to the Mall and Victoria's Secret had more modest displays after that. Voices for decency can be heard.

Another woman said that the drill team at the high school came out with outfits with one sleeve and no sleeve on the other side and the fabric made a slash across the body--quite immodest. One teenage boy yelled, "Modest is the hottest!" and the other kids in the bleachers yelled, "Say it again, say it again." Another voice for modesty heard.

Another woman said, "When we do what is right we get everything and more." She had a story to go with it but it's too long to put here.

Today during testimony meeting the Russian Princess's teenage boy was bearing his testimony. He was talking about Jesus and the Holy Ghost being a comforter. He quoted from John 14--I didn't get the verse--and then he said something like, "Jesus watches over us and we can rely on him and nothing bad can happen to us," and then he paused for just a milisecond, and said, "even if it does." That made more sense to me than almost anything that was said today. "...even if it does." Because we have faith in the Savior we can weather any storm, even though it's hard. Even though it hurts. Even though our hearts may be broken we can do it because he loves us and atoned for us and sent the Holy Ghost as the most precious gift.

Anyway, a big of rambling. Today was a good church day and a not-good "I've rented another bomb from Netflix" night and I think I am really banned this time. Send good recommendations.

And one last bit: Another woman in Relief Society had on brown herringbone tights. They were beyond darling. She also has the perfect legs to go in the brown herringbone tights. "It's discusting," said the jealous woman who does not have brown herringbone tights or great legs to go in them, either.

INTERNATIONAL DISTURBED PEOPLE'S DAY

I got an email today from Terri Weidman a totally crazy friend and the subject of the email said "International Disturbed People's Day." Why she thought I would be interested in such an email is beyond my comprehension. So I started plotting revenge thinking about it and decided she just wanted me to get a tiny peek into an alien world that I have no regular contact with. So I put the crazy glue and the chicken pluckers and the electric hand buzzers thoughts of tricking my crazy friend on the back burner and got back to serious business of looking for new educational movies on my queue at Netflix.

I clicked on a movie called "Sherlock Holmes' Smarter Brother" and added it to my queue--the description said things like "...a new level of absurdity"--which I can't even spell, and "literary farce." which sounds pretty much like an oxymoron to me. And since Gene Wilder and Marty Feldman are in it how I could go wrong? I mean, it's no "Gone With the Wind," but the title of that movie raises suspicion on several levels.

Then I see, since I ordered that movie, which Phil will shake his head in dismay watch with lively interest, Netflix recommends several others. Among them is "Twelve Chairs." Now the sound of chairs, and twelve of them, perks me right up.

Phil does not perk up at the word "chairs," having had that encounter with the disobedient wife great bargain hunting wife and her chair purchases. In fact, last week he kept asking, "Can I get rid of the four ugly black chairs in the garage yet?" And, if Kraut and The Soap Queen keep having kids I think we will need the four darling black chairs for family dinners, so I himmed and hawed and said, "Look, a flying saucer," to which he said something about if he knew then what he knows now he would be living in a different state, with a normal woman and an empty garage. He really didn't say that but we've lived together such a long time I can read the thoughts he doesn't have.

I see by reading the blurb about "The Twelve Chairs" that there were jewels hidden in one of them and so you never know, I could be providing a wild and irresponsible nice retirement for the two of us. Besides that. it is directed by Mel Brooks and has Dom DeLouise, two giants of serious movie productions.

Dom once wrote a cookbook called, EAT THIS, IT'LL MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER. I'll bet there are great recipes for cake in there. Now if that won't cure disturbed people, I don't know what will. I should buy a copy for my disturbed friend, Terri my friend for Christmas.

Then, because I might be interested in the "Twelve Chairs" Netflix suggested I might also be interested in "Vincent and Theo," which is the story of Vincent Van Gogh. The final line in the description is, "Vincent's disturbed mental state worsens, and both brothers sink into despair."

Now I ask you, do I seem like a person who wants to watch two brother's sink into despair? If you answered, "yes," then give me your email address and I will forward you an email with the subject "International Disturbed People's Day." It will be helpful to you, I'm sure of it.

And if it's not enough, come on over, we'll pull up a couple of chairs and have a good visit and it will be fun. We'll invite Terri and a couple of other mentally disturbed friends and I'll make cake. It will be Dom's recipe. You'll love it.

PS. Here are the darling black chairs that my equally darling husband is trying to get me to give away.

And these are Mom and Dad's chairs from their chrome kitchen set that is now practically an antique.

And these are the "Chair Fairy" chairs.

And just in case you think I have totally stupid things in the garage well, lookit here. A drawer full of onions and a bike I haven't ridden since 1974--when I was a four-year-old.

And just in case you think all I do are stupid things, like rescue chairs, these are some of the domestic kitchen things I did last week. Of course there is no room for them in the basement because, guess what? I have 12 dining room chairs down there but no table to go with it and no dining room, either.

And yes, Phil is a saint. And I love him.

I HAVE BEEN BANNED FROM ORDERING NETFLIX MOVIES

We watched another one of my movies last night. As the credits were running Phil said, "Your Netflilx privileges have been revoked."

Now I ask you, what is wrong with watching movies no one has ever heard of before? Phil says there is good reason no one has ever heard of them. I think they are delightful--well, most of them.

So, because he hasn't added a movie in months, I helped him out and added four more today. Three of them are foreign films. If it weren't for me we wouldn't even HAVE a queue. He should be grateful that I am giving him the chance to be entertained and amused.

Shouldn't he?