THE ADJUSTMENT BUREAU

We FINALLY saw the adjustment bureau. I think ordinary folks get to live the life they want because we don't make big decisions that make big waves or even big ripples. How nice for us.

And also, I think the Adjustment Bureau was banned long ago, all one third of them, and I thinketh not that they want us to do the best, have the best, be the best.

At any rate, if they really wanted to make me a better person they would bring up that bit of floor every time I reached for a Hershey bar. After landing on my face a few times I might learn to ignore it. Too bad that doesn't happen. Kind of.

I DON'T KNOW WHY I BOTHER!

Don't even bother reading this...it's long and depressing.

Our neighbors gave us some of the most wonderful apples on the planet and my busy little brain--and I emphasise the "little" part--decided it was time to can Apple Pie Filling.

One year, the kids and I canned over 50 quarts in the fall. They stuck with me until we were all finished and at one point--one of the favorite memories stored in my little brain--is when Trent picked up a double handful of the peelings--picture a pile of those about a foot high--and threw them in the air and yelled, "Happy New Year!" Gosh, I love that kid. (Well, he's a man with a wife and 7 kids but to me he will always be a kid.)So, today I watched things I had recorded on TV--The Event, House, NCIS, Katie Brown Workshop, 16 minutes of Studio 5 about photography, and other things that my tiny little brain cannot recall at the moment--while I peeled apples, but right from the start things went wrong.

I spilled apples all over the floor and the noise of the stainless steel, pan hitting the floor, annoyed people two blocks away, and permanently damaged my hearing.

Then I couldn't remember how to load the apple peeler and so had to peel and slice a lot of the apples by hand. Then, my brain--the little one--kicked in and remembered how to do it right.

I think the highlight of my day was seeing previews of the movie "Unstoppable,"......with Denzel Washington......and it's rated PG 13. Hooray! (We don't go to "R" rated movies.)Lookit, there are men running on top of trains......and trains crashing......and trains blowing up and school kids on a field trip and other exciting things.Which is more than the excitement of my apple pie filling boiling over and six out of eighteen of the jars NOT SEALING because of the boiling over bit and even the sight of all this bounteous beauty cannot mend my broken heart about 1/3 of my efforts a failure. Another day, another failure.

Phil opened one of the non-sealed ones and ate it over ice cream and said he didn't care if any of them sealed as he would eat them all, one after another, on ice cream, and it was the tastiest stuff in the world. He's nice like that and my love for him grew some more, if that were even possible, because I am already rather fond of him.

And so, now six quarts will have to find a spot in the fridge or freezer. I hope we can go see "Unstoppable" (hopefully soon) to mend my wounded heart, but right now I'm going to go have a good cry in my huge pillow--pronounced "pilla"--and know that tomorrow will be a better day. Hopefully. And because it's Sunday, I will have a nice Sunday nap after church.

I should have consulted The Damsel from Old School--she knows how to do everything and she even has a blog of the 50 best canning sites, which I looked at--too late, but I did look at them--and did you know you can can bacon? (Or maybe "can can" is a dance. I should ask The Damsel.) And did you know you can can rabbit and squirrel? (They do a lot of that in Minnesota, I guess.) And there is even an article--thanks Damsel--about Mormon Food Storage Techniques. I should definitely have gone there first as this Mormon was not doing things right.

If you have had a recent failure would you please tell me so I can know that I'm not the only one in the whole wide world that does things inadequately. Thanks so much.

And come on over. I'll give you some apple pie filling with ice cream underneath.

PS Knock loud, because I might not hear you because of my damaged hearing. And if I don't answer the door just stick you head in and yell, "Yo-hoo." (There's not enough yo-hooing done now-a-days.) But if it's on a Sunday after church, I'll be napping, so you might have to get in the fridge and get your own.

PPS I have never actually made an apple pie with the 100's of jars of apple pie filling I've made over the years. We just heat it up and eat it as a side dish. You should make some--that is if you can can successfully--or dance, either. I'll put the recipe on my cookbook blog soon.

TO BE FUNNY OR FUNNY LOOKIN', WHCH WOULD YOU CHOOSE?

My oldest daughter writes on her blog only occasionally but when she does she says funny things that I don't think she meant to be funny. Yesterdays blog was probably un-funny-to-her-life, but funny-to-me. Click here.

My other kids are funny too.

And I am funny lookin' so we're all pretty happy about things.

Hope you are funny too and if you can't be funny, then funny lookin' isn't so bad. At least you'll be memorable. There isn't much I hate worse than being un-memorable. Except this. People in my ward misspell my name. They get emails from me every stinkin' week--I'm the Relief Society Communication Specialist--isn't that a funny title. See? Funny. Anyway, I get emails from some of them occasionally--they even reply to my emails, and they call me "Lynn." My emails say "from Lynne Snyder." And their emails say, "Dear Lynn..."

I tell you, this is beginning to bother me. Now if they would say, "Dear person who looks like she's lost a lot of weight lately..." then I might be happier. But then again I might think, So, you thought I was a beached whale before, huh?

I tell you, tonight I just can't be pleased. I'm going to go read Hillary's blog again and see what she and her husband didn't tell each other because they weren't speaking. Then I will go to bed amused, instead of annoyed that my name is Lynn.

But I'm certainly annoyed that it is again after midnight and I am wide eyed and an hour and a half ago I was yawning! I don't have enough sense to pound sand in a rat hole. I'm not sure what that means but it was one of Mom's sayings and so it must mean something. Just like everything "means something" on Close Encounters of the Third Kind. And even Close Encounters of the Nerd Kind. I love those movies.

Okay, I'm going to bed now because I have become annoying, even to myself.

WHAT'S YOUR PASSION?

This week I'm working on a chapter--for my YA novel--that I have simply titled "Passion."

Did you know what you were passionate about when you were twelve? Are they the same things that they are now?

My obvious passions are my religion and my family. Here are some minor ones:

THE STORY. It's always about the story and has always been so. Even commercials on TV have a story. My favorite is the Arby's "last day of school" one where the faculty is just as happy to be out of school as the kids and they all end up at Arby's. I have it recorded and watch it several times in a row. It cheers me up.

PLUCKING MY WHISKERS STRAY EYEBROWS: They shall not live.

FINGERNAIL POLISH: On September 1st I will have worn it every day for a year.

THE COMPUTER: I can read the story, compose the story, and keep in touch with my friends. Not Facebook. Not Twitter. Just email, which I love.

SLEEP: I just need to get some earlier.

LUNCH OUT WITH FRIENDS: Where I hear their stories and tell them mine.

MOVIES: Again, the story. And the popcorn.

CLEAN HANDS, CLEAN FACE: Repentance for the soul, soap for the face. And my daughter-in-law's lavender lotion, which I put it on my face and then put my hands to my nose and breathe deep for a full minute. Then I go to sleep happy.

That's enough for tonight.

What are your passions?

DID YOU KNOW?

Did you know that the movie "You've Got Mail," had at least two previous editions and maybe three? I think we've seen them all. My favorite, I think, is with Van Johnson and Judy Garland, called "In the Good old Summertime." Ironically, this was filmed mostly in the winter. I told Phil I wouldn't watch it as that song sets my nerves on edge but, last night, as I was dying, I did watch and liked it.

The other one is the "Shop Around the Corner."

I need movie recommendations. Funny, clean ones. My daughter-in-law recommended "New in Town." It's now on my Netflex queue. What else should I add?

WHAT A FIVE YEAR OLD KNOWS

1. They know that the pot stickers and the sesame chicken and the
   noodles are the best food at the Asian Buffet. They know that even without tasting everything.


2. They correct you when you tell them the Jell-O is orange and red. They say, "it's orange and dark red," and then you remember that they are the son of your son who would have said the same exact thing at age five.


3. Their fortunes already come true. "Express yourself. Don't hold
   back!" They talk and talk and talk.


4. They know that Grandma wants to sit by them so they save her a seat.


5. They know what they like.

6. They know "it's just a movie," and they don't want to sit on Grandma's
lap when she's scared and they aren't.

7. They feel safe at home.

8. They know they belong to someone and those someone's can be
trusted. Brothers and sisters can be trusted.

9. When asked what they are going to be when they are grown up they say, "Six." And then they say "seven," and then they say, "eight" and then they say, "nine" and when they get to "twenty three," they say, "I can count to one hundred. And a thousand." And you are glad they just said they know how, and didn't demonstrate.

10. When you say, "So, when you get to be twenty-four and you are grown up what do you want to do? And then they say, "work like my Dad," because they trust their dad and like him.

11. When you say, "What does your dad do?" they haven't a clue but they know that's what they want to do anyway. Be careful, you dad's out there 'cause your son's want to be just like you. Whatever you are. Whatever you do.

12. When you say, "Do you know who you are going to marry? Do you have some cute girl picked out?" They say, "My mom. And she'll have two babies and they will be twins." And then they grin because they know Mom is spoken for and already had eight babies, which might be a lot, even for a Mormon.

Here is Mom, selling handmade soap at the Farmer's Market today.

13. They know who they trust.

14. They know they are loved by Grandma and Grandpa.

15. They know they are smart and have a great future.

This is our grandchild. He is five. He has freckles. He has one dimple and he can put his finger right on it, even without a mirror. He is smart and funny and a good boy. We love him. We had a great time with him today.

Happy Birthday, five year old!

AND THE WINNER IS...

The Peterson Family from the great state of Hawaii. The prize is a bag of caramels, made with my own hands and wrapped, lovingly, while watching "House" or some other fool show.

Since they make it to the mainland occasionally I will keep their caramels in the freezer until arrival. Unless they don't come for six months and then I will have to mail them. Or maybe I will eat them myself. No, I wouldn't do that. heeheehee

Didn't know it was a contest? I know. I forgot that little piece of info. I'm squirrelly like that. Stay tuned for other unannounced contests at other times in other places. Maybe they will be on someone else's blog.

The name of the movie was indeed Monty Python and the Holy Grail. I know, hardly a movie and yet...it does have charm, in a perverted sort of way.

You may now log off of this blog and go to other, more interesting ones because I am going to give dialogue examples of this movie--if you could call it that--and if you continue reading it may rot yer brain.

King Arthur: [after Arthur's cut off both of the Black Knight's arms] Look, you stupid B-word. You've got no arms left.

Black Knight: Yes I have.

King Arthur: *Look*!

Black Knight: It's just a flesh wound.

And then, later, when the Black Knight continues to threaten Arthur despite getting both his arms and one (or maybe it was both) of his legs cut off Black Knight: Right, I'll do you for that!

King Arthur: You'll what?

Black Knight: Come here!

King Arthur: What are you gonna do, bleed on me?

1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Who goes there?

King Arthur: It is I, Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon, from the castle of Camelot. King of the Britons, defeater of the Saxons, Sovereign of all England!

1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Pull the other one!

King Arthur: I am, and this is my trusty servant Patsy. We have ridden the length and breadth of the land in search of knights who will join me in my court at Camelot. I must speak with your lord and master.

1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: What? Ridden on a horse?

King Arthur: Yes!

1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: You're using coconuts!

King Arthur: What?

1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: You've got two empty halves of coconut and you're bangin' 'em together.

King Arthur: So? We have ridden since the snows of winter covered this land, through the kingdom of Mercia, through...

1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Where'd you get the coconuts?

King Arthur: We found them.

1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Found them? In Mercia? The coconut's tropical!

King Arthur: What do you mean?

1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Well, this is a temperate zone

King Arthur: The swallow may fly south with the sun or the house martin or the plover may seek warmer climes in winter, yet these are not strangers to our land?

1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?

King Arthur: Not at all. They could be carried.

1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: What? A swallow carrying a coconut?

King Arthur: It could grip it by the husk!

1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: It's not a question of where he grips it! It's a simple question of weight ratios! A five ounce bird could not carry a one pound coconut.

King Arthur: Well, it doesn't matter. Will you go and tell your master that Arthur from the Court of Camelot is here?

1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Listen. In order to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings forty-three times every second, right?

King Arthur: Please!

1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Am I right?

Sir Bedevere: What makes you think she's a witch?

Peasant 3: Well, she turned me into a newt!

Sir Bedevere: A newt?

Peasant 3: [meekly after a long pause] ... I got better.

And here is the dialogue with the winning line:

The Dead Collector: Bring out yer dead. [a man puts a body on the cart]

Large Man with Dead Body: Here's one.

The Dead Collector: That'll be ninepence.

The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I'm not dead.

The Dead Collector: What?

Large Man with Dead Body: Nothing. There's your ninepence.

The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I'm not dead.

The Dead Collector: 'Ere, he says he's not dead.

Large Man with Dead Body: Yes he is.

The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I'm not.

The Dead Collector: He isn't.

Large Man with Dead Body: Well, he will be soon, he's very ill.

The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I'm getting better.

Large Man with Dead Body: No you're not, you'll be stone dead in a moment.

The Dead Collector: Well, I can't take him like that. It's against regulations.

The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I don't want to go on the cart.

Large Man with Dead Body: Oh, don't be such a baby.

The Dead Collector: I can't take him.

The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I feel fine.

Large Man with Dead Body: Oh, do me a favor.

The Dead Collector: I can't.

Large Man with Dead Body: Well, can you hang around for a couple of minutes? He won't be long.

The Dead Collector: I promised I'd be at the Robinsons'. They've lost nine today.

Large Man with Dead Body: Well, when's your next round?

The Dead Collector: Thursday.

The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I think I'll go for a walk.

Large Man with Dead Body: You're not fooling anyone, you know. Isn't there anything you could do?

The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I feel happy. I feel happy.

[the Dead Collector glances up and down the street furtively, then silences the Body with his a whack of his club]

Large Man with Dead Body: Ah, thank you very much.

The Dead Collector: Not at all. See you on Thursday.

Large Man with Dead Body: Right.

"UP," THE MOVIE, AND ALSO A PLACE TO LOOK FOR COMFORT

These little people took me

to the movie "UP" last week. They were delightful.

The movie was delightful, too.

It was funny and a bit sad too.
It had high adventure.
And the cone of shame.

The movie was about friendship and

loyalty but it was about loss, too.

Today was a day of loss for us. A sad day. A day for contemplation and faith in Heavenly Father and believing him when he makes promises.

If you are having a sad day/month/year/life, remember that God loves you and is watching over you. He is sad at your sadness but He knows that everything will be all right, even when it's not. I find it hard to believe some days, like today, but deep in my heart I know it is true.

God loves you. He loves me and my family. He wants us all to be happy. Even when we are sad. Like today.

BOOKWORM TURNS TWELVE

This our Bookworm. Her birthday was LONG ago but I have been negligent about posting her photos. There really isn't a black line between her eyes, I don't know what I did to get one there.

She wanted to go to Lotus Garden for her lunch. She said, "We used to go here so often as a family that when they saw us come in the door they didn't even ask us what we wanted to drink, they just brought us all the right drinks."

This is the back entrance. We had to walk past cases of tomatoes and boxes of groceries and shinny past stacks of stuff to get down the steps inside. I stepped in a pot hole full of water in the parking lot. Bookworm thought it was funny. I pointed out other pot holes she could step in, to be trendy with me, but she declined.

She only eats two things there. Potstickers and sweet and sour chicken. I told her she needed to try two other things. She put noodles on her plate and I gave her a cream cheese stuffed won ton.

Her gastronomical review? "It's crunchy!"

She is a chopstick kind of girl, no sissy forks for her. After two plates of potstickers and chicken and one new crunchy food and one new noodly food she had a tiny dollop of several kinds of ice cream--which she smooshed all together into a new and "wonderful" flavor.

Her fortune: "You will find your solution where you least expect it." The movie she chose was Monsters verses Aliens. This is Bob. She laughed at all the funny parts. There were a lot of funny parts.After the movie we found a bouncy ball machine and we fed five dollars into it. All the balls weren't bouncy balls, some were puzzle balls which are impossible to put back together. It was a fun day with my Bookworm. How I love her. She is twelve years old now and is in Young Women's. She will be a wonderful asset to the Beehive Class.

Happy Birthday, Bookworm. May you always find the solution. And I'll give you a hint. It's right at home, where you are taught faith and good works and integrity and everything else that is good in life. I love you with all my heart and Grandpa does too. You are a wonderful girl.

NORMAL HAS BEEN PUT ON HOLD

This stomach flu has it's own ideas and some of them are:

1. Lynne and Phil must not run their errands, Lynne must have stomach pains instead and have to go home.

2. Lynne must not fix dinner for her visiting teaching companion who has had a baby that Lynne is dying to see because Lynne might pass on the throwing-up germ. Dinner will have to wait until next week.

3. Lynne must not go see her grandchildren and daughter-in-law dance in a Celtic performance because that would just be too much fun. She must stay home and hold her stomach. And moan.

4. Lynne must also choose "Seven Pounds" to rent from Red Box because she needs to have a good cry. Actually, the stomach flu had no role in this except that we were going to watch the dancers and rented a movie instead BECAUSE THE STOMACH FLU DOES NOT GO AWAY.

The end.

Except to say that Phil shared some of his ideas about Movies:

1. Will Smith only chooses to act in movies where he is the star.

2. "I'll bet Will Smith produced this movie." When the credits were run we saw he was right.

3. They ought to make half hour movies.

4. "You rent stupid Movies, Lynne. I went through your Netflix list and deleted a bunch." I think they were a bunch of my foreign films. I don't care because I added three more today.

5. "They need to make more comedies--CLEAN ONES." I agree with that.

The end.

CURLY SUE'S BIRTHDAY OUTING WITH GRANDMA

When Curly Sue--aka Elasta Girl--saw Butterfly's "day out with Grandma" she decided that is what she wanted for her birthday too. She and Butterfly and Mary Poppins were born seven weeks apart--three little granddaughters who have all turned nine years old.

Here she is, in front of the Clown Car. Isn't she cute?
She has freckles, just like her mother did at age nine.

I gave Curly Sue the camera, just like I had done with Butterfly, and let her take pictures. She started out with some that weren't really great.

The horse barn and water droplets on the window. She liked these trees.

Not sure what her idea was with this shot.

Another barn. We buy apples here.

I taught her how to use the telephoto lens. Her photo taking skills are improving.

It was a c-o-l-d day.

She took lots of photos of sky's.

Yes, she still has the telephoto lens on. Good grief,

A "octopus arm" tree.

Provo City Library.

Downtown Provo is busy with construction. Look at the mountain in the background. Good shot, Curly Sue.

This has always puzzled me. A tiny set of apartments with HUGE trees in front.

More trees.

More construction.

We were going to Ottavios for Italian food. This is how they keep the birds off their lights and window sills. I wouldn't have even noticed it but Curly Sue did.

Almost there.

The doors were locked. A notice said, "Open at 4:00." It was noon.

Curly Sue was not pleased.

So we walked up the street to Gloria's Little Italy.

She took this picture of ornamental grass on the courthouse lawn across the street.

This door better be open.

It was. She was happy. She ordered bow ties with pesto. She LOVES pinenuts and wants to eat them every day.

A nice gentleman took out photo.

Stir your Italian soda slowly, our waiter said, it has a tendency to explode.

Curly Sue stirred. Slowly.

So slowly she almost went to sleep. She told me it was dee-licious,

Because it was her birthday she got a free gelato. She chose coconut.Oh, it was so good!

Next time she is going to choose hazelnut.

We're not sure what this decoration was but Curly Sue took a picture of it anyway.

Other desserts that she took photos of.

When we left it was still cold.

We found this next to the car. It took her about five pictures to get one in focus.

Okay, Grandma, lets go to the movies.

Coraline. "Some doors should never be opened," the movie poster said. it was scary, I thought but Curly Sue grew up watching "The Nightmare Before Christmas" and so it didn't scare her at all.

Another poster says, "Oh my gosh," but in the movie--twice that I noticed--they don't say "Oh my gosh," they say the real thing and I was not pleased. What is the matter with Hollywood? I'll bet 98% of parents in America didn't like that part. The other 2% are deaf. Another part had an old lady wearing hardly any clothes, a few sequins. Really! I was peeved and ashamed of what we present to the world. Can't our cartoon movies be totally clean?
Here is Curly Sue with her 3-D glasses. She's so thin the seat kept folding up on her.

After the movie she wanted to go to Robert's, which is a craft store. She loves jewlery. We talked a lot about what she wants to do when she grows up. Maybe a fashion designer but NOT someone who sews the clothes, just picks out the fabric.They have silly flowers at Robert's.We talked to Gilmore Girl to see if she was still in town and could meet us so I wouldn't have to drive to Outer Mongolia to take her home.

Gilmore Girl was still in town and so she and Tuesday met us at Robert's.

It was a good day for me, and for Curly Sue, too. We decided we should go to Italy together and eat gelato every day.

Happy Birthday Curly Sue and thanks for being such a nice girl. I love you very much.