I FEEL SO LOVED

Yesterday, after my part time job, I went to the Personal History luncheon, which we hold once a month. I took the ugly salad on my cookbook site and Sarah had made candied yams and everyone else brought desserts, which is just about right.

After taking my 96 year old friend, Mona, home, I hightailed it to Smith's because it was the last day of their case lot sale. (See yesterday's post.) After I was finished shopping I started the car...almost. It was doing it's Clown Car antics. Tried again, nothing. So I did what I always do in any bad situation. I call Phil. He is my "voice of reason." I knew he couldn't help but I called him anyway. He told me it was probably flooded and to just let it sit for a while and then try again.

So, I went to Sally's Beauty Supply and looked at all the fingernail stuff for 20 minutes and then I went to Tuesday Morning and looked at all the stuff that is supposed to be terrific bargains but just seems like a bunch of junk, with some good stuff mixed in. All of it was higher priced than I think it should be, but I spent a good half hour or so and then I left and thought I'd try to start the Clown Car again.

Just outside of Tuesday Morning I met Taylor, my son. "Oh, Mom," he said, "you're all right." And then he gave me the biggest hug. It was worth an hour of inconvenience to get a hug like that.

"We've called and called you."

"You have?"

And so I looked at my phone and there were 17 missed phone calls, from him and Phil. (I had the phone on vibrate at work and hadn't changed it.) I also had a bunch of texts that said things like, "Are you okay?" "Where are you?" "WHERE ARE YOU?!?"

Both Phil and Taylor had come to my rescue.

The car started right up.

Taylor rode home with me to make sure I was all right.

Phil followed us to make sure the car wouldn't quit on me.

I must be loved.

I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING, I REALLY DIDN'T...BUT I'M GOING TO...LATER

Today I was shopping with someone, I won't mention who. The sales girl came down our isle and removed a bunch of product from the shelf and took the items to a waiting customer.

The sales girl was darling. She was super thin, had on skinny jeans, and was beautiful. I looked at my shopping partner and said, "Wow!" (Women do this--check out other women. We probably do this more than men do. It's a compliment thing, it really is.)

My shopping partner nodded, and then she said, "I made a little tooter just before she came down this aisle. She thought it was you."

And that was when I knew I would like to smack my shopping partner. I didn't want the salesgirl to think I was both stinky and mean so I let it go. But one of these days...I tell you...I will get even, oh yes I will. I'm going to wait until she is totally unsuspecting and then...well, I can't tell you what I'll do. That would ruin the fun. And it's going to be fun.

THE RULES SHOULD BE CHANGED FOR SHOPPING

Today I went shopping with Hillary and Shan. Shan and another one of her their friends are going to New York later in the month for fun and frolicking, theatre and sight seeing. Shan was trying to find cute clothes and she did. We started a bit after 10:00 and got home a bit after 7:00, and we only came home then because we were half dead. I told Phil we only went to four stores and his eyes nearly rolled out of his head.

"It took you nine hours to shop four stores?" he said.

"We ate lunch," I said. "And we went to that garage sale." (Photo's posted tomorrow of the garage sale you should not miss the next time it happens--which will be in April. I will remind you.)

Phil was not impressed.

His idea would be to breeze in, select something in an appropriate size and color, try it on (maybe or maybe just look at the size and know it would fit w/out trying it on). He would then buy it and go home.

Girls don't do that. There has to be much discussion as to why or why not this or that item is suitable or not.

There has to be trying it on ONE MORE TIME and parading it to the critical audience, who practically clap and cheer.

One sweater had to be discussed a dozen times at least. That one was bought. Another sweater had to be discussed two dozen times. That one still resides in the store. Shan should have bought it, she really should have. There is no clapping and cheering over that decision. She should go back, buy it and then there will be clapping and cheering.

The majority should rule when it comes to shopping. The person paying should not be able to overrule the majority because the majority is pretty much always right. And since the majority was Hillary and me, I know the majority was right. I'm pretty sure that is a valid argument . Then the cute brown sweater would be where it belongs, in Shan's closet.

SHOPPING AT COSTCO or A CART FULL OF WOE

The kids were here Monday evening through early Wednesday evening. Barely 48 hours. They went to Costco with Phil. Twice. I did not go. I am the lone voice of reason. This shopping trip is typical. It was in May.

Actually, there is one other voice or reason. She was outnumbered. She wanted soy milk. That was all. Just some soy milk.

"We can go now. Mission accomplished."

"But lookit! Peanut butter."
"And, lookit. Chips!"
"We do not need chips," said the voice of reason.

"But, they are Kettle Chips. I'm pretty sure that means they are special."
Look at the cart. Does it look like the voice of reason is winning?
"Oh, no. What has he found now?"

She speeds ahead. She must stop disaster.
It was too late. Disaster was piled high. Do you see one fruit or vegetable there? Me neither.

And that is how ALL trips to Costco end. You would be better off just walking by the door and throwing twenty dollar bills at them. At least you wouldn't have a bunch of junk...do you see the Oreos? And the chips? Chips of all kinds? Some chips are even masquerading as veggies. Veggie chips. Right.

The score: Costco one hundred and fifty-five. The voice of reason zero.

PS I hate to admit this but I am not actually the voice of reason. The Sun Chips were my purchase and probably other junk food too.

SHOPPING WITH THE DIVAS

Today I went shopping with the Divas.One of the divas loved these shoes. Too bad the mother said no.And no again.Another of the divas loved these shoes and since she's the mother she said yes. She said, "I bought this for you for Christmas." Oh joy. Luckily it will go with my fur lamps.

Then the divas found the sunglasses.

It didn't matter to them that they weren't real sunglasses.Or even on right side up.

"You can have that outfit but you must save it for school."

"SCHOOL? It's only June twenty-fifth!" It was a fun day with the Divas. Call me anytime, girls. I'll meet you for more adventures.

And...in case you are hungry, this salad is on my cookbook blog, here. It doesn't look great, but it is. I promise.

TWINS

Sometime today, at the BYU Writer's for Young Readers Conference, these words came to me:

"She is as thin as dental floss."

Where that came from, I don't know. But, when you are around creative people odd things happen. You start to look at things in a different way. I love this conference. I love Claudia Mills. I love my class mates--boy, can they write. I will be sad when this conference is over for another year.

I had a two minute window of unfrantic busyness today, I was probably waiting for a lecture to begin so this is what I wrote:


She was thin, dental floss thin. Some of her internal organs were missing. At night she is hooked up to machines that softly beep in the darkness as they process the food that has been waiting in her patient stomach. In the morning she stretches, unhooks from the friendly beepers and runs her hands down her flat stomach. She smiles.

Her twin has all her organs and her sisters too. Two livers. Four kidneys. 56 feet of intestines. The intestines are usually full as her body squeezes every bit of nutrition from every mouthful of food. If the planet depended on her "fertilizer" to jump-start the world's vegetables we would all be dead within months.

Twins. So alike and yet so different. One has a great abundance of all the things that make the human body run properly and yet it's her sister who wears a size zero. The organ-deprived sister shops three days a week and the other four she accepts dates from lovely men.

The organ-rich sister? She writes.

SIX WORDS FOR A SNOWY SHOPPING DAY

Snow, then the lure of books.

THE ANATOMY OF A SNOWY SHOPPING DAY

" Let's start the Christmas shopping at 9:30 in the morning," I said as Phil kissed me goodnight last night.

"Mmmump," he said, which, being the optimist I sometimes am I interpreted to mean, "Yes, dear."

We left the house at noon.

Our late start might have something to do with what we saw when we looked in the back yard.

Snow everywhere!

I think the hummingbird nectar might be frozen.

We did finally leave...The neighbor's snowman bid us farewell. I heard him snicker, "Slowpokes."This is a busy street. Usually. Today only one other fool was out.Someone forgot to take the flag down.We had a schedule--I even made a map--five places to go. We got to exactly one of them...the BYU Bookstore. We were there several hours. Phil went to get the car while I waited with the 100 pound bags. This is what the weather still looked like.And here he comes to pick me up. It is only an eight minute drive from BYU to our house. How come it was DARK when we got home? I think we drove through some kind of a time warp.

We said we would go back out to the other four places but...as you probably guessed, I am blogging and Phil is channel surfing. I guess we will start in the morning at 9:30. "Won't we dear?"

"Mmmrph."

PS Written the following day. We started at 1:30!

SIX WORDS FOR NO ELECTION TALK

Fix economy by shopping--without need.

NO ELECTION TALK HERE

I will be the one lone blog not saying anything about the election. Except to say that we must work together. We must do what we can to make this country great and be the good people we are destined to be.

Now, a bit of drivel, if I could just think of something to say....

Well...I did go to card class tonight where the emphasis is on friendship, not cards--but the cards were darling too.

It is like therapy to be able to go to Gaye's, to sit and be surrounded by talk flowing around you, no one dominating the conversation, everyone loving everyone else. Earlier today my personal history group met. Everyone read different stories, we've all had different experiences, lived different lives, are different ages and yet are the same. There is deep, real friendship among us.

Tonight a friend called and we must have talked for an hour and a half, about nothing and everything.

This is the kind of thing that women need. Besides shelter and love and maybe a baby or two--or five, they need friendship. Men, not so much. That didn't read right. Women need men, at least I do, one man--Phil, that is, but men don't seem to need friendship so much. Not like women do.

And shopping. A man's idea of shopping is have a need and figure out what store carries the item that is needed. He might call first and see which store has the cheaper price. Then he goes there and buys it. Mission accomplished.

Women's idea of shopping is to go to a store or to a bunch of stores and see what's there. At any store at any time. They don't necessarily need anything, it's the "looking" that accomplishes their mission. I can't count the number of times I've been leaving to go shopping and Phil has said, "What do you need?"

"Nothing," I say.

"Then why are you going?"

"To shop."

"But you just said you don't need anything," he says

"I don't. And I probably won't buy anything, either."

"I don't get it. You don't need anything, probably won't buy anything and yet you have to go shopping."

"Right," I say, giving him a kiss. "You finally got it." And away I go.

So, nothing in this post is important, not like the fate of the nation. Or even the fate of the economy, which wouldn't be so good if women stayed home and didn't shop when they didn't need anything.

PLEASE WATCH CHILDREN CAREFULLY WHILE IN OUR STORE.

This was the sign posted in the store that Gilmore Girl, Tuesday and I shopped at on Friday.I took their advice seriously. I watched as Tuesday found a convenient stool at the jewelry table.
She tried on the bracelets. She was very impressed with the gold purse. What do you use this for, Grandma?Oh, lookit! More sparkleys! And would you look at these prices? Unbelievable.
I watched as she climbed out of the dressing room.
She tried on hats. She made a "turkey lip." She played with tags.
And she tried on sunglasses.

The store's policy was a good idea. It was fun watching Tuesday while in their store.

PS Don't ask what product that is in the green box. I have no knowledge. I see no evil. I speak no evil.