HOW NOT TO LOOSE WEIGHT

I lost a pound today. I gave blood. I usually do that at the Red Cross blood drive and every time I do the technician says my hemocrit numbers are high. I knew that wasn't a good thing because I "Googled" it. So I asked my doctor if I could have a letter to give to the Red Cross so I could donate blood every month, instead of every other month. Instead of a letter he ran blood tests and then he made an appointment for me with another doctor--an ONCOLOGY doctor. Only he didn't say "Oncology." He said "hematologist." If he had said Oncology I would have freaked right out. Everybody knows that means cancer, right? I don't "do" cancer.

So I went to that Hematologist/Oncologist today and was told I have a blood disease called Polycythemia Vera. It seems my bone marrow produces way to many red blood cells, white blood cells, and platelets. In other words, my blood is thick with the stuff. Thick. Viscous. Meaning a possibility of stroke. Or, Central Retinal Artery Occlusion, which I have had and now am blind in my left eye because of. (Don't end the sentence with a preposition, Lynne.) So, now we probably know why that occurred. Blood thick as Aunt Jemima's syrup. Maybe even as thick as molasses. Or mud. No, probably not mud. Everyone knows mud is for pies.

I am now being bled--not kidding--they removed the first pint today and will do it again Thursday and then several more times. It seems besides having all those extra blood cells in the blood I am making extra pints of the stuff.

I have a mutated gene (JAK2) that thinks production should be ramped up, maybe like chocolates on the assembly line in that "I Love Lucy" episode that I love so much.
It's not hereditary, so don't panic, my children. That gene is a mutant fellow with a mission. I am taking medication to retard the production of all of these renegade blood partners.

Blood is made in the bone marrow and in the Word of Wisdom it says, "Health in the navel and marrow to their bones." We have studied the Word of Wisdom (Doctrine and Covenants 89) and we were vegan for almost seven years because of our interpretation to the teachings there. Too bad we didn't stay vegan but maybe mutant genes don't read the D&C.

It's funny, I have always told Hillary that--in the last days--I will be on the porch, rocking the babies and reading to their little ones while they (my children) were out fighting the mutants . Now I have a mutant, living inside. It's enough to hark a dog.

So, if ever you give blood and the technician says, "Hummm, these numbers are a little high," go to the doctor and get a test so you won't loose vision like I did. You might even lose a few pounds--"a pint's a pound, the world around." (Every Weight Watcher steps on the scale hungry and thirsty.) Today, it was a pretty tough way to lose weight. I recommend diet and exercise.

"There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will."-- Epictetus

SO, I'M NOW BLIND IN ONE EYE

I woke up this morning and couldn't see anything with my left eye, not even light. Phil booked an appointment with the retina doctor and the diagnosis is "Central Retinal Artery Occlusion." I feel each word should be capitalized as--to me--this is a big deal. The vision loss is total and permanent.


I texted the kids, their spouses and a few friends on the way to my appointment, asking for their prayers. Each and every one responded, most within minutes. Some followed up the texting with phone calls. Many phone calls. I feel very loved. One of my boys cried on the phone--now I know he really loves me and hasn't just been pretending all these years. One made me promise to eat a better diet and to exercise every single day. One drove 45 minutes to be at my side--the big baby. She said she came as much to reassure Elizabeth as me but I needed her and she came. The fact that she came in to also reassure her sister, is to me, a big deal. I love sibling loyalty. One friend came and sat on the lawn swings with me--she knew she couldn't help but she came to be with me and I love her for it. All of them told me they loved me. Many made jokes, which I loved.


Some of those jokes:

• "Wow, Mom. You won't have to spend extra money going to 3-D movies."
• "Humm, this opens up new gift ideas for your birthday." (I'm thinking eye patches and a parrot to sit on my shoulder...Aarg, Matey.)
• "Can I call you One Eyed Wily?" (You can if you buy me that nifty shirt, below.)
• "Can I buy you a Cyclops costume." (No one actually said that, that's the part of this post that is "invented" but it's funny, right? Kind of funny? Okay, so nobody has as warped a sense of humor as I have.)
• "Mom, your turkey gobbler"...you know what a "turkey gobbler" is, right? It's that annoying piece of skin hanging from your chin. Well, not your chin. Your chin is tight and firm but I have an annoying turkey gobbler. Anyway, "Mom, your turkey gobbler will get smaller because you'll have to look way back to your left now--oh, wait, maybe your turkey gobbler will get bigger!"

After everyone went home and I had a minute to think about it, I went upstairs and had a good cry. On the phone tonight to a friend, I cried again. And now I'm finished and this is why.

• The occlusion could have happened in my brain--then I would have had a stroke. That might lead to drooling and I'm against drooling--unless it's by babies and then it's okay.
• The occlusion could have happened in my "good" eye, instead of my "bad" eye. (The bad eye had a retinal detachment years ago and had vision loss and also had a cataract. [I'm not old enough for this stuff, really, I'm not.] So, the vision in my good eye could have been lost.)
• They could have given me that clot busting drug and I could have had a "brain bleed" and that would have caused major problems to my charming personality.
• I could be dead. Then my kids could call me on the phone and say, "Are ye dead, mon?" I, of course, wouldn't answer because, after all, I'd be dead.

There were many tender mercies today. Trials are all how you look at them and I'm looking at this one as a major blessing. Now tomorrow, I might have a bit of a pity-party, but tonight, I'm focusing on the positive.