WHERE CAN I SIGN UP FOR A BORING LIFE?

Today a friend blogged and said she read my blog and that I do fun stuff and that her life is boring. Fun stuff? I'd trade for a boring life, really I would. Where can I sign up? Some days I'd like to run away and change my name and dye my hair and be somebody else. I won't bore you with my big problems but here's a little one that has happened recently.
Her Excellency of Mousehole has brought her wee doggie home for a while. Wee doggie is supposed to "wee" on something called a "Potty Pad." And supposed to poop there too. So far I see no pee spots. WHERE is he going? I'm frantic trying to find out. Oh my gosh, do you know what the house is going to smell like before long? Not to mention the germs, etc. I am holding my head in my hands here. I'd take a picure to show you but I've been out in the snow and my hair is a mess. Besides that, my facial twitch would scare you.

Yesterday wee doggie pooped behind the chair in the living room. I sighed a lot and shook my head and whined and twitched. Then I picked up the poop with a paper towel and put it on the Pottie Pad, hoping he would get the idea. Did he? Here's the story as Phil related it.
"Kramer came into the kitchen and drank some water," Phil said. "Then he went over to the Potty Pad and looked at it. Then he went back and drank some more water. And then he pooped by the stove."So there you see, my friend with the boring life, my life is not so fun. This is the least of my concerns but it is a concern and it's driving me s-l-o-w-l-y insane.

Twitch, twitch.

THE CLOWN CAR STRIKES AGAIN

Tonight, Phil went to the movie with the Brown Dot--Quantum of Solace--and I went to Pam's house. In the snow. Driving the Clown Car. When I got in I noticed all the doors were unlocked. I was sure I had locked them the last time I drove. I shrugged my shoulders and thought maybe I was mistaken. I've got to be more responsible, I thought.

As I was driving down the street a teenager was walking/slipping down the road coming toward me. He was slipping on purpose, like foolish teenagers do, having a great time.

"Here comes a cute little red car but I'm on the edge of the road and will be fine."

As I got closer the Clown Car went into full door lock/unlock mode. I could almost hear the teens thoughts.

"Hee hee, she thinks I'm tough and dangerous. She's locking her doors as a precaution."

The Clown Car unlocks its door."

"Whoa," he thinks. "Maybe she thinks I need a ride."

Then the Clown Car locks it's doors. Then unlocks it's doors and then unlocks and locks the doors so fast I lost track.

"What's on earth is the matter with that woman?" His eyes are showing white all around his pupils.

And then as my car continues it's locking and unlocking tricks he panics and jumps over a five foot pile of snow and takes to the sidewalk. He looks over his shoulder at me as I pass and I can almost hear him saying, "That woman has serious problems."

I drive on, the car locking and unlocking. When I pull into my friend's driveway I get out and lock the door. Nothing. It's locked all four doors, all by itself, for four blocks and now nothing. A new facial twitch is beginning. I hope Pam doesn't notice.

We had a good visit and then I left to come home. The door locking frenzy seemed to be over. When I got home and locked the door only that one door locks. I decided to leave the other's unlocked. With luck someone will hot wire the Clown Car and drive off into adventures of the weird kind. Good luck to them, that's all I have to say. Bless their hearts.