JESUS WANTS ME FOR A SUNBEAM

Yesterday and today is the Mormon (Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints) General Conference. We get broadcasts two hours in the morning and two hours in the afternoon, with talks from our Prophet and General Authorities. They are filmed in the Conference Center in Salt Lake City and broadcast to TV stations and Stake Centers all over the world. They are translated into 92 languages so Latter Day Saints all over the world can listen in their own languages.

Yesterday, when President Uchtdorf spoke, he mentioned that he loves the song "Jesus Wants Me For a Sunbeam." This is probably the first Primary song the three-year-old children learn. (I tried to download a video of the song but my skills as a computer competent person are nonexistent.)

The thought immediately came to me that Jesus wants me to be happy--to shine, so to speak--in my life, in my trials, in my encounters with others. I do not shine in my trials. I am not happy in my trials. I am "heavy laden," and "My hands hang down." I sigh. I weep. I want to run away--once I even wrote a story about running away to Texas and described what I would do there. Occasionally, not often, but occasionally, I am even angry. But mostly I worry. Is that a trait of women? Worry? I don't want to worry, I want to have faith.

I am really going to work on my attitude as I feel this was inspiration, sent for me. Jesus wants me to be his sunbeam. Jesus doesn't want me to be his gloomy, doubting, depressed, angry, upset, weeping, horrible person with my feet dragging in the sand and my head hanging down.

Will you help me? Will you be my confidantes? My fellow blooggers who show me by your faith that I can have faith too? I read you blogs and am strengthened as I see you fighting your battles with faith--as I watch you having integrity and courage. We are all in this together, we are all connected.

"I love you and you love me." the next line is, "We are a happy family." As a church, we believe we are all one family. God's children. We are all brothers and sisters.

So, with God as my Father and Jesus as my Savior and with your help, maybe I can become more of a sunbeam. I will hold your hands and be strengthened and sustained.

GILMORE GIRL'S LONG AGO SORROW

Today I found a calendar from 1991. It belonged to Gilmore Girl. Here is what was written on February 14th.

"This is one deeply Sad day if u haven't a man like moi."


The word "Sad" was capitalized. She must have been very sad. If she could have looked back from 2009 she could have comforted herself as she has a lovely husband and two lovely children, too.


Yesterday she blogged--here--and said: We were very civilized at our tea party. Mr Smith talked in a silly exaggerated English accent the whole time, calling Ru "Button" and Elasta Girl "String Bean". They thought he was a riot. What a good sport my construction worker, hunter is to tea party with a bunch of girls.


And then she ended with: "I love you man."

Here's their photo. Elasta Girl is elasticizing herself all over the place.

We should take a lesson. When we are lonely, hurting, sad, frightened, worried, etc. we should think: If I could look back at myself from the future I would know it will be all right. Just like it is today, for Gilmore Girl.

She has a new worry or two today and I hope she will remember that in a few years, looking back, she could comfort herself.

We all have a worry or two, don't we. Our ultimate comfort is our Heavenly Father. I had a fear myself today and I found a quiet spot and poured out my worries in prayer and before long I had the comfort I so earnestly sought. The solution didn't come but the paralyzing worry is mostly gone. It's still there a little bit because my faith isn't perfect. I'm working on it.




Things might not turn out like we want them to but we will weather the storm and get through it.




Clown Car Update:

As you may know my darling little Range Rover--that I love--has a sense of humor. It does not love to lock its doors so I drive with unlocked doors and hope a deranged psychopath does not join me at a stoplight.

Today, it was raining and so I turned on the rear windshield wipers...

...with this little switch...
...and every door in the car locked.

From now on, if I see anyone looking deranged or psychopathish I will just turn on the rear windshield wipers.

THE WITCHES OF THE PAST AND OF THE FUTURE

When I was a kid I often was not able to go to sleep because the wind howled around the eves or the house and I thought it was a witch, trying to get in. When the heat vent cooled off it buckled and made "someone is creeping up the stairs" noises. I, of course, thought it was the witch. I would have gotten out of bed and run like blazes downstairs to Mom but I knew a witch was hiding under my bed and she'd grab my ankles. It was always a witch.

Now it's fear of the future. Fear for our children. Fear of this and fear of that. Are the fears just like the witch? Just as unrealistic? If we could look back at ourselves from fifteen years in the future would we say, "Hey, we sure were scared of something unrealistic"? We might.

So, I'm going to bed to sleep a night without fears. I hope you will too. It will all work out. There might be some scary times, sad times, alone times, but we'll all get through it and stand on the other side, victorious. The witches of the world are in our head. Let's not let our imaginations run away with us. And let's have faith.

And remind me to read this post when I forget.

SIX WORDS OF CHEER 7-06-08

Faith, knowledge, banish fear, bring cheer.

ARE TOUGH TIME JUST HERE OR ARE THEY WHERE YOU ARE TOO?

Tough times.

My friend's hubby lost his job. She's frightened. Should she get a job or trust that he will? She doesn't want to move. Again. He says they won't have to but how does he know?

Another friend fell and is on crutches, no one at home to help her. Her husband, the love of her life, that she found late in life, died, and the loneliness is worse now than before she found him.

Two people have leukemia. Not good for either one. One's kids are grown but those kids have already lost their mom to cancer and this would be devastating. The other one is young, married with a two year old--a whole life to want to live, a child she wants to rear, to teach, to watch grow, to laugh with and love--a husband she wants to grow old with.

Another in the hospital...again. She has had so many surgeries she can't remember how many. Close to 30, maybe more. She, too is alone. Her husband was not a very happy person but she adored him until the day he died.

Money worries. For so many it is money, the lack of money, it's never having too much, is it?

Another friend lost her husband and has four kids to rear. The oldest is fifteen, youngest six. How will she do this alone? The loneliness--in the midst of the noise, the scheduling headache with the four kids in sports and music and homework and of them missing their dad--is almost unbearable.

One woman's husband divorced her, he lives high, with a new house, new wife, new life. He knows how to manipulate the system, She lives in poverty with constant stress, going back to school and hopes she can earn enough to live humbly, at best.

Another has a child doing dangerous or illegal things; many are dealing with this.

One's wife has Alzheimer's, he is her caregiver and has health problems of his own. Will she out live him? He wants to care for her until the end, but will he go first?

Another invested her retirement with a scoundrel and lost it all. He probably isn't a real scoundrel, he probably thought he could do well for her but he didn't, and now she has nothing. Now she is older, in poverty. She needs to work but is older, and tired, and discouraged.

Ill health abounds.

This is just the ones I can think of without straining my poor little brain too much. I know that many--that I think are blessed--are nursing worries and fears and hurts that I don't know about.

Fears.

Faith.

Hope.

But also reality.

Most of these people have faith, but some still have some fear. We know that fear and faith cannot exist at the same time. So, if you have faith, can you see, out of the corner of your eye, a wisp of fear? And, if you see a wisp of fear has the faith departed like a freight train?

The pain of divorce, death, an uncertain future...what to do?

Let go? Tell Father to let the Savior carry your hurts? Yes, sounds easy but it isn't, is it? But what other option do we have? We can work hard. We can eat better so the disease doesn't have a running start--I'm REALLY speaking to myself here. We can prepare for the future. We can love those who will let us, help those who we can, and when we need help, we can be gracious and let others help us.

The best relief I know of is prayer. And faith. And stomp on the fear until it smolders. And then...my personal favorite, have friends like I have who say, "All is well." And believe it. I have a friend like that, more than one--several actually, but one in particular who says, "All is well," and when she says it, I calm down and feel better.

Years ago, I was pregnant, at age 42. I worried. I knew the statistics. A dear friend who I will call Pammie, because that is her name--sort of--said, "There is NOTHING wrong with that baby!" She was the voice of authority and I believed her and quit worrying and the pregnancy was easier. Way easier. There was nothing wrong with the baby--that baby is Her Excellency of Mousehole and she is beautiful and smart and funny and I adore her. But what if there had been something wrong? I would have had several months of no fear, no worries, and then I could have faced the problems when they came, instead of anticipating them all along.

What am I saying? Have faith. Be strong. Don't worry. Is it possible to have faith and not worry and then, when, and if we have to face hard times we will be rested and ready? In the meantime let the Savior handle it. He says he can and wants to. So let's believe him. Let's believe him and be his helpers when others need our strength.

I hope all of your are handling what you have in your life right now. If not, I hope you will have faith and I hope that you have a friend who can give you the love you need and the words to give you courage to get through this time with dignity and grace or even with slobbering tears if you need to do that. I've done my share of that, too--it was not a pretty sight but my friends stood by my ugliness with encouragement. They listened. Sometimes they gave advice but mostly they listened and said things like "There, there." It's nice when you have friends, who will just listen and say, "There, there."

Will you believe me if I say I am sending my love to you, even if I don't know you? I am, I hope it will help in some small way or maybe even in a large one, like it does when my friends say they love me, when Phil says he loves me and when they all say, "Don't worry, all is well."

I love you. Be comforted. Let the Savior carry your burden, just for today, just for tonight, just this week. You can pick it up later if you want, but let Him carry it today.

ARE YOU AFRAID OF ANYTHING? LIKE KITTEN'S, PERHAPS?

This is three year old Lego® Boy, who likes ketchup and cheese sandwiches. You wouldn't think he would be afraid of sweet little kittens, would you?

Here is his two year old brother, Taz. Since he's younger maybe he would be afraid of something, like kittens.

Not so.

In fact we had to pry kittens out of his fingers many times. We taught him to be soft and just pet the kitten. This is his petting technique.

This is sweet baby Toves--from the poem, The Jabberwocky by Louis Carroll--we don't know how she can be considered slithy but perhaps there is something we don't know about slithyness. She is sweet, every one's favorite. She is also the runt. If you pick her up and love her she often purrs.

She climbs up Phil's pants and right up onto his chest to be loved. Sweet Toves. (Phil doesn't usually sit with his legs like this. He has been playing "roll the ball" with Lego® Boy and Taz. But Toves got bored watching the ball roll so he romped over and climbed up the "Phil tree.")

Aah, Toves and William. Sweet babies. Soft. Gentle.

But wait. William has mischief in his soul. He starts out by chewing on Gregory, the bawl baby of the bunch. "Mmm, tasty ear."

See his little ears? When they are back like that they are in the fighting position.

He and Gregory took their disagreement off the steps and onto the chair. Here they are, nose to nose, discussing things. "Watch it buddy."

"Who you calling buddy?"

"Nope, I don't like your attitude so I'll just chew on your toes while hoping you fall off on your head."

Gregory did fall off and he was fine. In fact he was so fine he ran and hid from William.

So William went back to the step and attacked Japhy. "Let me put my foot in yer face."


And look at this, sweet baby Toves, attacking Japhy too. Poor Japhy.

But all this fighting behavior bothers Taz not one bit. In fact he thinks aggressive, naughty kittens are made to be picked up and packed around.

But not Lego® Boy. he got up on the chair, and then up on the arm of the chair, as far away from kittens as he could get.

Later, we were going outside to play and Lego® Boy was only going to go if the kittens stayed inside.

So, what are you afraid of?

WHERE DOES THE HAPPY GO?

Tonight, while watching the Tabernacle Choir on TV I all of a sudden got a warm burst of happiness. It felt so good, so normal, like that is how I should feel every minute of every day. I think that is how we felt when we lived with Heavenly Father before coming to earth. Not all people believe that but I do and I think we were perfectly joyful.

Earth life is hard because we don't remember Heaven and we aren't able to know that no matter what happens here we will be all right. That we will be united with our Heavenly parents and our earthly parents too. It's hard to remember that when it's cold and dark and you worry about so many things.

Phil always says faith and fear cannot coexist. He's right.

Today I taught part of the lesson in Relief Society. I told the sisters how much I miss my mother. I told them I think she is with me a lot of the time, that angels are with all of us. We can't see them but they are there. I wish I were in tune enough to see my angels. Tonight, right now, when it's so dark and cold outside and I am missing my mom and the happy has fled. It would be comforting.