"I'm bored," she says. At which point I want to put my hand through the phone and strangle her.
"Do you know what time it is?" I say, in a voice faint with relief.
"You're up," she says. "You're always up."
"Well, yes, I'm up," I said, ignoring the reference to my always being up, "but I'm going to bed in a minute, I might NOT have been up."
"But you are, so what's the big deal?"
At which point I seriously contemplate getting in the car, driving to her apartment FORTY MILES AWAY and strangling her.
2. I have a little ceramic bird that I got from Aunt Dorothy, It chirps when it is touched or picked up. The batteries were dead and I thought the grandkids would be amused with it, so I had Phil put new ones in it.
That was several days ago and all the grandkids that have been here were amused.
Last night I was up alone--very late. Did I mention I was alone? Phil had long gone to bed. The house is quiet and did I mention the bird only chirps WHEN IT IS TOUCHED OR PICKED UP? The bird chirps. Both cats are in plain sight, snoozing. So, who was upstairs, touching or picking up the bird? 
It took me forever to get enough courage to go upstairs. the bird was alone. Sitting there as if nothing unusual had happened. I fled upstairs to the bedroom and locked the door. It's funny, isn't it, how an inanimate object can spook you like that. It is funny. Isn't it? And it did chirp all by it's self. Didn't it? All by itself?
