Today, I was in American Fork at 3:00 o'clock. I hadn't eaten any lunch--or any breakfast either--so I stopped at Wendy's and get a ninety-nine cent hamburger and fries.
After eating I rummaged in my purse to see if I could find a wet-wipe as I wanted to go to Trent and Michelle's and see the kids. One should always go tidy. By now I was driving. I know, rummaging in the purse while driving is a no-no.
Instead of a wet-wipe I found a melty-chocolate-mint-truffle bar. Now you know I couldn't let a melty-chocolate-mint-truffle bar sit there, melting, alone and lonely in it's goodness. So, with my teeth-as-tools I tore off a tiny corner and squished the melty goodness in my mouth. What I didn't know is that the other end of the bar had it's own tiny hole, squishing the melty goodness onto my shirt.
I turned the radio down with the hand that was holding the truffle bar, depositing melty goodness on the console and my WHITE, NEWLY IRONED pants. I noticed not, because I'm driving, giving 90% of my attention to the road and 10% to the melty goodness.
More tastes of melty goodness. More dripping on the shirt. More dripping everywhere.
I got to the turn for Trent and Michelle's and looked down. HOLY MOLEY. What is that? Melty goodness ALL OVER THE PLACE.
I found the wet-wipe and wiped the chocolate off. Translate: smeared the melty goodness all over the dang place. Still driving, yes, I know. Five wet-wipes later I looked like a woman who sleeps in a dumpster.
I didn't go to Trent and Michelle's. I didn't see the kids. How could I let them see they have a derelict grandmother? I did come home and washed my shirt and pants and then I read the calories on the back of the wrapper. 306. Well, at least I only ate 153 of them. The rest made the biggest mess I have ever seen.
Here is the evidence. See the tiny tear on the left hand side? See how neat it is? And look on the right hand side. See the goopy, melty goodness?
That was it's sneaky exit point--all 153 calories. That's the one bright side to this story--calories not eaten. And I got a blog out of it. A boring blog, but hey, when you are boring, looking like a walking dumpster gets reported. I'm just sorry I forgot to take a picture of my clothes. PS Blogger does not think "Melty" is a word. Eleven times it didn't recognize it. I may have overkilled the "melty goodness." (Twelve.)
