SOME EXCELLENT THINGS

1. A young man from a Podunk town in Oregon who is scared to death, but has come to Provo to go to BYU anyway. I hope he does well.

2. Going to the movies--Kung Fu Panda today--with some of my excellent grandkids. Very cute movie and very cute kids.

3. Remembering that Gilmore Girl used to call our Oriental acupuncturist Kung Pao Chicken.

4. Having a story already written for my personal history group and not having to stay up late writing.

5. Having email friends. One is on the run for stealing two steak knives thirty years ago when he was just a young sprout--I've vowed I don't know him but I don't know...if I'm put under the lights I may fess up. Another email friend decided instead of thinking of all the things she wants to change she will think of some things that are excellent as they are. She is the inspiration for this post. Still another email friend sends encouraging words--even from where the deer and the antelope play. She would know that because she's been on the range and everywhere else that her husband, Columbus can drive. And my erratic emailing daughter, Gilmore Girl who will not write a blog and only sends me pithy one-liner emails and I have to call her a Cheeky Monkey. There's a lot of that Cheeky Monkey-ness going around this week, it seems. And last, but not least, a funny friend from the land up north who walked into a pole one day and has never been the same, which is all right by me because she is funny and optimistic and hard working and did I mention funny?

6. Having a husband who eats forty-'leven times a day and stays at his pre-marriage weight. It gives me someone to grumble about and, as we all know, everyone feels better after a good grumble. Thank you Honey for the reason I feel better forty-'leven times a day, multiplied by 365 plus one for leap year.

7. Sleep.

8. Cold weather today, but only if it gets hot again tomorrow.

9. Rain.

10. Toenail polish, which will soon be covered up with socks but it will be there, all winter, anyway. And fingernail polish too, which I am wearing every day for a month until I get sick of having to re-do my nails every two days.

That's it for today. Ten excellent things that I don't need to worry about trying to change.

FLUFFY, WARM, ALPACA SLIPPPERS FOR MY COLD TOES

I am sitting at the computer, almost completely frozen. My toes no longer have feeling. I have a sweater on. The fireplace is on too. Phil turned it on for me, he's considerate like that. He's probably hot. When I am cold he is just right. When I am warm he is miserable.

Phil says he will make me some hot chocolate. Beastly man, he knows I love hot chocolate. Hot chocolate MADE WITH SUGAR. I won't be having any of that. Maybe I will have some hot water. Yum, all in favor of hot water raise your hands. I see no hands.
This is what I really need. Fluffy slippers. Alpaca ones. But how will I ever figure out my size?

Sizes:
Extra small (35-36)
Small (37-38)
Medium (39-40)
Large (41-42)
Extra large (43-44)

And what does the following mean?

Please note - due to the nature of the fur (the Alpacas are not bred for their fur and die of natural causes) each pair of slippers will differ slightly and will not look identical to the photo shown.

Does that mean what I think it means, that these slippers are made from animals that died of old age or of some dreaded Alpaca disease or perhaps by falling off a Peruvian cliff. Slippers made from dead alpacas?

At this price: Price £40.00

I don't know how to convert dollars into pounds so I don't think I will be buying any warm slippers made from dead, perhaps diseased or clumsy, falling-off-cliffs Alpacas. It was a good thought, for a minute there.

But, if you are interested go here and order your own dead slippers. Just don't tell me.

RAIN, RAIN, GLORIOUS RAIN

I was going to title this post: "Rain, rain, go away," but thought, How ungrateful. We are coming out of a drought and I am whining about the rain. One of the talks in church yesterday was about gratitude, and so I'm going to be grateful. The rain as glorious. That's what I've decided. And really, it is.

Glorious rain. Washes the earth clean of the stains of all kinds of things from the potting soil I spilled to the dirt on the car. The dust is washed off the trees, the grass is refreshed, the streams and rivers are plumped and the fish eat bits of tasty fish-snacks that have tumbled into the water.

The weather is cool. Perhaps next week we will be sweltering, the air conditioners thrumming into the evenings. One neighbor runs his air conditioner all night. No open windows for him. They should know the feel of the breeze--if there is one--or the joy of kicking off covers and sleeping on top of the sheets.

When the kids were younger and our car's air conditioner gasped it's last we rolled the windows down. When we passed cars with the window's rolled up I would tell the kids, "Oh, look at those poor people. They don't get to experience summer." We laughed our way though the hot days and didn't feel sorry for ourselves a bit.

And so, I am going to love the rain tomorrow and if we get rain the next day I am going to enjoy that too. And if we get sweltering days I am going to kick covers. I'm going to experience whatever we get and be happy about it.

I'm even going to repent of all my whining about the endless winter. Yes sir-ree, I'm going to repent.

We aren't going to get more winter, are we? Because it's easier to repent if you know there won't be a repeat of what caused all the whining in the first place. No more winter, right? I'm just askin'.

10 REASONS I AM NOT JEALOUS THAT MY FRIENDS ARE IN FLORIDA AND HAWAII

1. Sand in underwear is bothersome.

2. Melting Popsicles are sticky. I hate sticky. I am always sticky, even when there is no sticky available, I manage to get sticky. My youngest darling daughter, Her Excellency--full name Her Excellency of Mousehole--calls me "Jam Hands." I do not think it is a term of endearment.

3. I hate hot. I hate cold, too. I am Goldilocks' sister. I want it "just right." If Hawaii is just right don't tell me because I am here, being a daughter of NanNook of the North and am happy, sitting in front of the fireplace.

4. After eating cake--see yesterday's post--I would not be caught dead in a swimming suit. Omar no longer makes swimming suits or I might reconsider.

5. My friend in Florida went to a giant flea market today. I can never pass up a bargain so I might have come home with a few giant fleas and I don't like being itchy.

6. My nephew, his very pregnant wife and his three kids live in Hawaii in student housing in a 500 freaking square foot apartment. If I were in Hawaii I would want to go there and see them and I would take up more square feet than they can spare.

7. I'm allergic to loud shirts.

8. I live in a desert, humidity makes me nervous. And sweaty. Very dripping sweaty.

9. I was on the jellyfish committee in Heaven and every time I go to an aquarium and see them I am amazed at their beauty and am so glad I was on the jellyfish committee. And then I remember they have no brain. And then it explains many things about myself.

10. If a volcano erupts where do you run? Onto the water? I live on a fault line and am not as frightened of an earthquake as I am of lava with no place to run.



And so, today, anticipating fifty degrees tomorrow, which will wreak havoc with all the "fridge things"--like sauerkraut, relish, oranges and grapefruit--stored in the garage, but will make my soul sing, and looking forward to another big snow storm on Wednesday, I am happy to be living in Utah and not Florida or Hawaii.

COMPUTER WITHDRAWAL...and...WHAT IS MY DARLING DAUGHTER THINKING?

Yesterday this is what happened to the monitor screen while Phil was preparing his Sunday School lesson. His document was reduced to a one inch width.

As you might imagine he panicked. He had three pages of his lesson done and was afraid he'd loose it. He called for help. First to me, who knows Naahthing about computers, monitors, anything technological and can't even speeal easy words.

Phil called Taylor, "Help, my computer screen is one inch wide and I don't know how to save my document?" Taylor told him how to save it using key strokes. One problem solved.

Then he called Trent, "Help, do you have an extra monitor?" Of course he does, the computer junkie that he is. Two problems solved.

But we talked to Hillary too and she had an extra one and would bring it into us if we'd meet at the mall and shop the sales the next morning. Who could resist that? Sales and seeing Ruby, the golden haired moppet.

Last night I had computer withdrawal symptoms, I itched, had facial ticks and I sulked--no checking blogs--my new hobby--and no writing on my blog, either, which isn't such a loss but you know, it's kind of a habit by now. Phil had to relinquish the TV remote and then there was more twitching as he had to watch girl-stuff.

On the way to meet Hillary this morning, on University Ave., it was 33 degrees. We saw two men. One wore shorts, a short sleeved shirt, sandals and was carrying a coat under his arm. What was the matter with that man? He thought he was in the Caribbean. What would his mother think?

The second man wore a parka, ski gloves, pants made from the wool of 100 llamas, a scarf, a this-is-a-stick-up hood with just his scary eyes showing and a very large furry hat. What was the matter with that man. He thought he was at the South Pole. What would his mother think?

When we met my darling daughter, this is how she had Ruby dressed. In a sweater! Did I mention it was 33 degrees? What is the matter with my darling daughter?

Does this child look warm?

And look at this. Dressed the same exact way in a 72 degree store as in a 33 degree parking lot.

And, to make matters worse, look how adoringly she looks at her grandpa. I would be thrilled beyond normal sanity and would give up twitching, sulking and chocolate if Ruby loved me as much as she loves her grandpa. I would give up twitching and sulking, for sure.

So, I had a heart to heart talk with my darling daughter about dressing Ruby warmer and this is the kind of a respectful look she gave me. I ask you, is it any wonder I twitch, getting no respect from the girl who calls herself "yfc"--which stands for Your Favorite Child. I ask you. Seriously.

What's a mother to do?

And notice, this respectful child is not wearing a coat, either. Really, what's a mother to do?