WHO WE ARE AND HOW ARE WE GOING TO FIND OUR WAY?

Greg Olsen painting, Precious in His sight.

Today, in Sacrament Meeting, I was sitting in front of a young family. Their little boy, about age four was making the regular little-boy noises, quietly, not disruptive at all when I heard very clearly, "Help me find the way." This is a line from the song "I Am a Child of God." (Click here to hear this song.)

Years and years ago, when we lived in Modesto, California, Phil worked with a family whose young boy was about the same age as today's little boy. One day his mom was chatting with a gentleman and the man looked down at the young boy, ruffled his hair, and said, "And whose little boy are you?"

"I am a child of God," the boy said.

Today in Relief Society one young mother mentioned that every time she left the house her mother would say, "Remember who you are." The girl, who was a teenager, and had heard this statement thousands of times always said--in her mind--"Yeah, yeah," but she never forgot who she was and she could hear her mother's voice--again in her mind-- "Remember who you are," over and over and over. This young mother is now married and has twin girls and you can bet they hear this statement often.

Let's all remember who we are. No matter how tattered we feel. No matter what level of spirituality we are currently on. No matter if we believe in God or just wish we could believe. It is my sincere testimony that we are all God's children. He wants us to live our lives well so we can return to him.

I am going to give up one bad habit in March so I can become more like the Father that I know I have. It's not going to be easy. I've been struggling with this one thing for years and years--as long as I can remember. It won't keep me out of Heaven but if I can give it up I will feel better about myself. Now I have big things too, things I know I shouldn't do or things I know I should, but I'm going to start with this one small one and then tackle the harder ones next.

And isn't that the bottom line? We all want to feel better about ourselves. We want to know who we are and where we belong. And, along the way, we need help. We need people to help us find the way. We need to remember who we are so we have the conficence to live better so, when our earth life is over, we can return to our Father.

SIX WORDS FOR ADDICTED TO LOVE

Disclaimer or maybe it's just a "claimer": Gilmore Girl and her friend, I forget who--sorry Hillary's friend--said they don't get my "six words," but Tierney, who is smarter than a pod of dolphins, and we all know dolphins are smarter than most humans, says she does get my six words so I will continue. So here's today's six words so you don't have to read the entire post below.

Love. Hurt. Realize God loves completely.

ADDICTED TO LOVE

Today, in Sunday School, the teacher, Jeanne Inouye, said she had a friend who once said she thinks we were all born addicted to love. She said we left our Father, who loves us so much that we cannot comprehend it, and when we are born we are in withdrawal. Well, I don't think she actually said that last part but I think that's what happens.

We get here and we bond with someone, for me it's my Mom--"I miss you Mom, every dang day I miss you," and then we spend the rest of our lives trying to prove our Independence because we think loving someone that much is a sign of weakness so we do stupid things to show we will run our own lives, thankyouverymuch, and we end up hurting the one we love the most.

Sometimes it's hard to love completely because things happen:

Some rottenlittlestinker children, who do what a rottenlittlestinker children do, make fun of you in one way or another or exclude you or do some other rotten-stinker-behavior to you and you shut down a little bit.

Then a teacher belittles you because her husband said she burned the eggs and, "yes, those pants make your rear end look big, because it is big," and so she takes it out on you and you shut down a little bit more.

Then the boy you like in high school likes the cheerleader, who obviously is not up to his standards and you are, but he can't see it. He doesn't ask you out to Prom and you shut down a little more. The cheerleader won't give him the time of day, by the way, and so he shuts down a little bit too and thinks he's not worthy of a decent girl, when there you are, all decent and waiting. This actually happened to a boy I know. It took him YEARS to get the courage to even date.

And time passes and other things happen and then you fall in love and the one we love stores memory and then uses it later--not in a good way. "Well, you told me that you..." and then they tell some embarrassing PRIVATE thing you told them that they shouldn't use against you. They might say, "I didn't know that would hurt you," or "Don't be so sensitive," or some other nonsense. So, you shut down a bit more.

Then someone at work pulls a dirty trick and takes credit for your idea and if you make a stink you will be branded a trouble maker and so....

You get the idea.

And then the children come. And, wonder of wonder, miracle of miracles, you love them totally and completely. And they think they are supposed to be independent and they pull away and you love them completely anyway and then you understand God a little bit and you are amazed. After all, he is God and he must love you way more than you love your child and then you can't believe the good luck you have, to be loved like that.

And then you forget it and let the world interfere and so, I am here to remind you. Don't you forget it. Don't make me come down there.

DO BEE'S COME IN THE WINDOW AT YOUR CHURCH

Do bees come in the window at your church? They did in the church in the town were I grew up. My Grandfather was the bishop when the church was built. He was in on the planning and I think, actual building. The church house was beautiful. Ask me if I'm bitter about IT BEING TORN DOWN WHEN THE NEW CHURCH HOUSE WAS BUILT? No, you probably shouldn't ask.

On warm summer days all the windows would be wide open. The theory was that refreshing breezes would blow in. Instead, bees wandered in. Bee's it seems, work on the Sabbath. A bee would lazily circle the audience, searching for the elusive flower smell that brought the bee inside in the first place. Was it the woman with the discrete dab of "Evening in Paris" behind her ears? Perhaps the enticement was from the woman wearing "Shalimar" or some other little perfume with the words: Eau De Toilette added to the box. (That always sent us into hysterical laughter, almost as good as knowing one of the planets was called Uranus.) The little bee never could find the flowers so, after circling the audience a few times, it lazily flew out a different window. It wanted to give all the window-sitters equal opportunity.

Today's air conditioning leaves the opportunity for the flower seeking bee little choice but to follow the smell of "Gucci Envy Me," which smells like peonies and pomegranate, or "Bulgaria Blu Notte," which has the scent of dark chocolate, as far at the church door and that's it. Shut out! No bee's allowed.

Perhaps this is progress and perhaps it is not. None of the children I know have ever tracked the progress of a bee by watching all the swaying and ducking of the audience members. It was such fun. Okay, it was hot back then too, with the windows wide open and no air conditioning, but that's what made church going part of the sacrifice. God loves those who are hot and come to church anyway. Of course that's only my opinion, but still. If I were in charge I would definitely give points to sweaty church members.

And God loves the bees. He wanted to share them with us, I'm pretty sure. He's generous, that way.

WHO ARE WE, REALLY?

Yesterday, some of the grandkids came here after school. Here is Hollywood, being given a hug by her mom.

Do all kids do this, swing their feet off the floor when hugging a parent?

The kids had an afternoon snack and then got right to their homework. Here's Mary Poppins.

This is Jo Cool.

His older brother, Guitar Hero.

And since Hollywood is in preschool, she just laid back on the couch and watched TV or played. Her homework time is coming.

I wonder who they will become. Will they grow up and do great things or be just ordinary? Will they save the world, save the rain forests or save the dolphins?

And which is best anyway? Doing great things, saving something? Could ordinary be just as important?

I watched Oprah today, parts of three shows I had recorded. When movie stars came on stage the audience went wild. A couple of women in the audience looked like they were going to faint from excitement. Would they have done the same if they had hung around after the show and someone came out with a push broom and swept up the studio floor? Not likely. And why not?

We are all children of God. We are children of GOD! All of us. We were worthy to be born here, to have this earthly experience and then one day to return to him. Not all of us will have it easy. Not all of us will make women in the audience faint. Some of us will only hear the sounds of crickets when it is our turn to walk on stage.

Which brings me back to these four children. They will each choose different things to do in life. Will one feel more important than the other? Will one be happy for the other, watching the other do something that the world will applaud? Will they be jealous or petty? Or will they be genuinely happy for the success of each other? Will they stay close and loving or will they all go their separate ways and not see much of each other? Isn't staying close as a family part of success?

And what defines success anyway? Why do we let the "world" define what success is when we have our Heavenly Father cheering us on, when He knows we are doing what the two of us probably discussed before we left Him?

And why do we forget? We are important, each of us. We are doing important things, even if we are doing stupid stuff. We learn by doing stupid stuff. Some of us-cough,beenthere,donethat,cough-have to do lots of stupid stuff to learn. Then we go on to lead ordinary lives but I think our Heavenly Father doesn't count us as ordinary. I think He stands on the sidelines, cheering and clapping. "Way to go, daughter. Way to go, son." When we stumble and fall I think he says something like, "It's okay. You are going to be all right."

So, tonight, if you are feeling unimportant--if you are feeling crummy about yourself or think you don't count then I am the voice on the Internet saying you are important. You are a child of God. That's better than being the child of a King or the child of the President of a country. There isn't anything more important that that. There isn't anyone more important than you. It doesn't matter what you have accomplished or not. You are valuable and your Heavenly Father cherishes you. He adores you. You are going to be all right.

This is what I believe. I hope you do too.

Now, because I am human I will be down on myself from time to time so when that happens will you spit this back at me? I promise to do the same for you. Except for the spitting part. That just isn't tidy.

A HEART LIKE HIS--VIRGINIA HINCKLEY PEARCE

Today I went to a Stake Women's Conference where the keynote speaker was Virginia H. Pearce, daughter to President Gordon B. Hinckley. She has written a book called A HEART LIKE HIS which I have read part of.

Why only part? Because I put it by my bedside and when I go to bed I am stumbling tired--because I stay up too late, and also because we keep the heat off in our bedroom so it's cold in there. So, to read, I would have to freeze, while yawning, with eyes watering--so the words would be blurry--when I am tired my eyes water. Sometimes, in church, People think I have been moved by the testimony of others or a point in their lesson when, in reality, I stayed up way to late the night before and am tired.

Today, Sister Pearce made some wonderful points. Since I have not read the book yet, and it was a borrowed book, which I gave back to the owner today so she could get it autographed by Sister Pearce, I don't know how closely she stayed to the text of the book. The book's owner lent it to a different neighbor, who will read it about 100 times faster than I did and then I will get it back again.

Here are a few points that were meaningful to me: (I took notes but my note taking sometimes leaves me scratching my head, wondering, what is that word and what was I trying to say, here? You will see this as you read on and perhaps you will be scratching your head too.) I won't put quotes because of the incompetent note taking. I apologize for the awkwardness of the sentences to follow but this is how I wrote them down.

Through Christ's love I can become more. Will you polish and refine me so I can be more? We are not perfect women but we are trying to become holy women. Be ye holy.

You and I are of great worth, every single one of us. Every single person on this planet is of great worth. If we believe this, it makes all the difference. If we don't believe this, it makes all the difference. We have God's spiritual DNA.

She mentioned an Olympic speed skater, whose name I didn't catch, who said she used to think her value came from her accomplishments. After she learned differently, after she learned that she was of worth because she was God's child, her whole life changed. We need to gain a testimony of our worth outside of who we perceive we are--our accomplishments, etc.

Do I have a testimony of my worth? Do I know that I am his daughter? Has the Holy Ghost told me this? The Holy Ghost speaks of things as they really are. At the moment that happens--that you know you are of worth and you are of God--your life changes. You can turn outward and help others.

She quoted President Faust--We need to reach deep within us to find our divinity. We can then find our self worth.

Quoting Elder Maxwell--Get in the way of how God has always felt about us and always will. It is about belonging to God. It doesn't matter how good you are or how bad, you are His.

We want to change to be like him.

If you are annoyed with everyone your heart is like a shriveled apple (she brought two apples that she had waded through the snow in her backyard and plucked off her tree. She tapped them on the podium and they were hard and sounded like rocks). When she is generous, full of gratitude and positive about others she has a softened hart. She pictures her heart like either the shriveled apple or the ripe fruit, then she can get out of the self-deception cycle and get on with her life.

She mentioned looking into a mirror. It's all about me. But, if we look at it not at a mirror but as a window then we see others, their needs.

There is something about looking at each other. She mentioned she goes for physical therapy and it has been all about her. Would she get better? Would her body heal? She had focused on herself and not anyone else. Then she decided that was a shriveled apple heart and she noticed her physical therapist and asked about her life. They had a good conversation and she is anxious to go back and see how the physical therapist is. Before that day she hadn't even noticed the woman's face.

Are you looking at people as objects or as a person of reverence--as a person of divinity?

All that is divine within me reverences all that is divine within you.

She mentioned a woman in the audience who we all knew, she said this woman had bad acne as a teenager. They sought treatment but the acne was still there. When she was a teen her mother told her to do everything she could to make herself look good and then, when she went out the door, to think of others. (My comment: This woman has obviously done that as she is a loving, confident person who serves and graciously cares about others.)

Be a woman for others. God expects us to love them. His love is always there but it is not available to us because we won't allow it. (My comment: I think we think little of ourselves sometimes, maybe believing, like the speed skater, that our worth is dependant on our accomplishments, when God knows all the time that we are of great worth because we are of him. We are his.)

See what you can do with your heart. See what the Lord can do if you let him.

--End of my notes--

She did mention that President Hinckley, who is 97, reminds his doctors that it is because of the prayers the people that he has lived as long as he has. He is a marvelous man, prophet, president who leads this church in ways of faith.

After the talk there were delicious treats to snack on while we put together baskets full of wonderful things for the women in the crisis center. I tracked down the recipe for the popcorn. It's on my recipe site.

It was a lovely way to spend the morning. The Stake leaders had put a tremendous amount of work into advance preparation so everything ran smoothly. I am amazed at their dedication and good works. They truly have hearts like Him. May they be blessed in ways they can't comprehend.

And may each of you be blessed to know you are of God. You belong to Him. You are of worth and are loved. If you don't believe this I hope you will do what it takes to find out it is true.