A LETTER TO JOSEPH

Dear Joseph,


First off I want to thank you for the handsome nutcracker you gave Grandpa and me for Christmas. He is the finest of them all. I will be sure to put your name on the bottom so--when we are not here any more--he will come back to you.As you can see, he is the most handsome of them all.The nutcracker Christmas Tree Ornament you painted for us is hanging right next to one of the White Santa's.
Now Joseph, I'll tell you a secret...I think the ornaments have parties after we go to bed. I hear tiny noises in my bedroom and I wonder if all the ornaments are having a good time. I think the White Santa has been whispering to the little Nutcracker stories of Christmases past.This is what the tree looks like when we go to bed. In the morning, sometimes an odd ornament or two seem to be in different places. Cool Moose is near the top, I think he whizzes down and gives rides in his handsome pink Cadillac.Baby Jesus is the star of the tree. We all know he is the reason we celebrate Christmas.
Here's another Baby Jesus ornament. He is watched over by The Candy Cane Kid.
A good friend brought me this ornament from Jerusalem. When all the fun and games are over each night, Joseph and Mary tell the story of Baby Jesus and how the star shinned in the night and the angels sang and the wise men came to see Baby Jesus. The angel told the shepherds where to find the baby, wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.We have several Baby Jesus ornaments that look exactly the same because I love him so much. Here one of our gentle reindeer watch over him. Can you see the little glass bell, right next to Baby Jesus. I think I can hear all the bells tinkling and ringing in the night. There are all kinds of bells on the tree and they all sound different. If you bump into the tree it makes a tinkling sound. I think I hear that sound in my sleep. The bells are probably having ringing contests.

This little angel is one of the many we have on the tree. After we have gone to bed they have singing contests, I think. But, from what I hear from my bedroom, they all are beautiful singers. I would have to give them all blue ribbons.

This little ornament is 22 years old. It was Elizabeth's first ornament.

A Wise Man sits right next to a Mouse House.

One year your Aunt Hillary decided she didn't like this ornament that she picked out, I might add. So, I traded her. Ever since then the Merry-Go-Round has had fun spinning and playing music at night. Too bad for Aunt Hillary.Candy Canes are all over the tree. Houses too. I don't know what the Candy Canes and houses do at night but something, for sure.

This house has a lot of towers. Some of the houses on the tree have a hole in the back and when you put a tiny light inside the windows glow. Remind me to show you the next time you are here. There are birds all over the tree. You can see a few if you look closely.The little birds are as important as the big ones. They all sing.

The Eskimo's always have snow ball fights, I think.

The Snow Men probably even have snowball fights.The mouse in this little house have a squeaking good time.

This little "Jumping Jack" Dolly from Germany was given to Elizabeth along with a baby gift from a neighbor when Elizabeth was a brand new tiny baby. I saved it until Christmas and then I put her on the tree. So, actually, I guess this was her first ornament.

We have all kinds of balls. This one your Aunt Hillary and Uncle Taylor fought over one year and so they got different ornaments and I kept this one. Aunt Hillary was here today and she says she doesn't even like it any more and so I guess I will put Uncle Taylor's name on the bottom. Although, it seems Elizabeth may have a claim. She said she hid this ornament in her room for about ten years. I think those were ten lonely years for Snoopy and his Woodstock reindeer. Maybe even your Uncle Bentley and your Dad will decide this ornament really should be theirs. Who knows why this ornament has such charm. It's not my favorite. (Shhh. Don't tell Snoopy.)

This was Elizabeth's ornament this year. I thought it was very clever, with white beads inside the ball to represent Santa's beard. Elizabeth thinks I am lame. This ornament has the Salt Lake Temple inside. Remind me to tell you about the time I met a little old lady in the Salt Lake Temple. All the balls have races I think. Even the Salt Lake Temple one. He likes to have a good time too. No one really cares who wins, the fun is in the game.

This little lamb, who watches over another Baby Jesus sometimes joins the balls in races because he is made of a puffy white ball.This Santa has lost a ski. He manages fine without it and every year I find the ski in one of the ornament boxes but I never remember to give it to Santa.

We have more than one Candy Cane Kid. He overlooks bunches and bunches of "pencil" Santa's.

Your cousin, Kate, was here one day, helping me decorate the tree and she thought putting all the pencil Santa's together made a lot of sense. I think they visit all day, they are so close they can whisper when we are awake and we never hear them. At night I think they are like pole vaulters, jumping all over the place.

Mother Goose gives a ride to an elf and I think she zooms all over the living room. Grandpa and I both have a Mother Goose ornament and I think they have flying races. The cat jumping jack ornament has lost part of his "oomph." Maddy was here today and she pulled his string and only one arm went in the air. She called him the Disco Dancer. I think I will call him that too. He is one of the oldest ornaments on the tree.

Today was Mother Goose day. She brought Elizabeth a whole 5 pound tub of licorice. Honestly, what was Mother Goose thinking?

Christmas is officially over when Mother Goose comes, but our tree is still up and the house is still decorated and I want to sit in the darkened living room some more and look at all the lights and ornaments on the tree and think about why we have Christmas.

Your Daddy should have lots of ornaments that he got when he was a little boy and not such a little boy too. Are they hanging on your tree? I hope so. If not, they are in a box somewhere, whispering to each other and telling stories. Once they are packed away that is what they do. Tell stories to each other and laugh and have a good time all through the Spring, Summer, Fall and when Winter comes they know they will soon be on the tree. And when night comes...well, all I can say is I think they all have a good time.

POSTSANTUM DEPRESSION

I think I have postsantum depression (the letdown after Christmas). I really maybe even had presantum depression, too. I haven't blogged since forever and have absolutely no desire to.

I want to feel like this. (And, actually my shape is more like this anyway. If I looked like that silhouette above I would probably have less depression.)

So, there you go.

Anyone else have this malady? What are you doing for it? Just akin'...in case you have a cure.

IT'S BEGINNING TO LOOK A LITTLE BIT LIKE CHRISTMAS

Phil and I were in Target the other day and guess what? It's beginning to look like Christmas. I see you holding your head in your hands. I nearly danced down the isle. I got so involved looking at all the finery that Phil lost me.

Now a question: Why does that dear man even have a phone if he's going to leave it in the car? Cell phones major purpose is to find the spouse at Costco and Target. And to call someone while they are driving. And to call the wrong person OR send text messages to the wrong person. Repeatedly. Like someone kept doing to me last week. (Bless his annoying little heart.)

I bought Christmas dishes for one of my daughter-in-laws for Christmas one year. Several years later I found more of them on ebay at only about four time the cost of buying them the first time. I won the bid and she was surprised. It was a good gift. I was a hero. I'm not a hero often so I particularly like this memory.

I wonder if anyone wants Christmas dishes for Christmas this year.

This is this year's patterns.

They only had a few of these so if you want some go get them soon.

All this Christmas stuff brought me... PS Maybe Jason and Elizabeth will surprise me tomorrow and exchange my regular dishes for the Christmas ones.

It's okay to serve Thanksgiving dinner on Christmas dishes, isn't it? Well, isn't it?

Please say yes.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, YOU WEIRDO

On Saturday, Gilmore Girl and I were shopping in two consignment shops. Home Again and Home Again 2, in Salt Lake City.

Home Again is on 1019 East 2100 South. Home Again 2 is found at 7490 Holden Street--on the way to Gardner Village. They have some very cute things in both stores. If you live in the area you should put them on your "to check out" list.


In Home Again Gilmore Girl found these delightful things. "I bought those for you for Christmas," she said.


I'm beyond thrilled.

SOMEONE GAVE ME THE "BIRD" YESTERDAY

Yesterday a friend and I FINALLY exchanged Christmas gifts. We don't like to rush into things.

She gave me some lovely things, one is a tiny pink McGiver type tool. I will be able to escape from any hostage situation and even from the Clown Car if it locks me in. It has it's own little case that fits on my key ring. I can open cans, stab things, slice things, unscrew screws off all kinds, open bottles and pinch the heck out of evil monsters or other evil things/people that annoy me. Watch out.

On the outside of the package--which also held a wonderful hardbound children's picture book--was this darling bird. I didn't even put a bow on her package, that's how unwonderful I am. Even the outside of her package was wonderful. That's the way she is. She now has contributed two things to my kitchen window. Thank you Terri.

Chirp.*

*Terri should blog.

CITIZENS OF TAMPA BEWARE

News flash.


This is a warning to all the citizens of Tampa, Florida. There is a rogue "dough blob" loose in the sewer system of the city. Rumor has it that an unnamed woman was making Pioneer Woman's Cinnamon Rolls for Christmas breakfast but since the alleged citizen has NEVER IN HER LIFE WORKED WITH YEAST she took a wrong turn in the kitchen and the cinnamon roll dough took on a life of it's own. Things were not going well.


She emailed her sister in Utah for advice. "What should I do with it? Should I flush it down the toilet?"

Her sister--I will call her Pam--, being the compassionate sister that she is, laughed hysterically and then dialed her sister's phone number and when the alleged baker picked up the phone she didn't even say "Hello." All she said was, "It's too late. It's flushed!"

Now we all know about "The Alligator," the one that lives in all sewers everywhere. The Tampa alligator tried to eat the dough blob but by now the dough blob had grown--being fed with sugary treats that had also been flushed by mothers who were tired of children bouncing off walls--and the blob attacked back. The Alligator left town and was last seen heading for Miami.

The Blob then proceeded to worm it's way into various toilets just to have a look around and get decorating tips. If the bathroom was decorated in "early make-up clutter and soapy bathtub toys, towels-on-the-floor" style the alleged blob waited slyly in the pipes. When a citizen was sitting, reading a back issue of the Reader's Digest, The Blob gave the citizen a little whack on the bottom with a blob-like tentacle. Men are particularly vulnerable. Reports have been coming in--from bottom-whacked victims--from all parts of the city and the possibility that the blob has procreated is high.

So, if you are tempted to make Pioneer Woman's Cinnamon Rolls--and they do look delicious--but you have NEVER WORKED WITH YEAST, think again. The city can only take so much trauma. The emergency room doctors and nurses are overloaded with bottoms sporting welts of the tentacle whacking type.

And besides that, Tampa is now without an Alligator. The tourist dollar may be on the decline because of this new development. The Chamber of Commerce will be meeting next week to see if they can put a positive "tourist enticing" spin on the blobish sewer phenomena. Tampa citizens are encouraged to call the Chamber of Commerce office with suggestions. Ask for Maude.

End of report.

THIS AND THAT--CHRISTMAS--FAMILY--OLD FRIENDS--FINGERNAILS--FATNESS

First of all, I apologize for the length of this post especially with NO pictures. You don't have to read it. Go fix yourself some hot buttered popcorn and watch a good movie.

Christmas is officially over when the last of the kids drove away. I stood in the driveway with ONE of the new cameras, taking pictures of their car until it was out of sight. It's was wise to keep my hands busy so I didn't cry. Until later.

I haven't read the many paged camera booklet yet and so don't know how to download photos. L. Bumhampton took pictures of every step of food preparation and everything else, including someones nose hair, and so there are about 500 photos to download. Goodbye computer memory.

Christmas Day was absolutely perfect. I hope yours was too. The kids laughed until I thought someone was going to need surgery for busted guts. ("Guts" is such a crass word but no other word works. "Intestines" just doesn't carry the same punch.) The food was divine. The house looked good. N. Giggleswitch and Phil decorated the tree on Christmas Eve while L. Bumhampton and I wrapped the never ending supply of gifts. We shopped late this year--what else is new--and so by the time Christmas was here we were exhausted and the house was undone. That's not all. I had the stuffing bread in the oven, drying on a low temp. and then I forgot about it for two days. Christmas Eve I turned the oven on and...burned bread. Black. The house did not smell like cinnamon and spruce! So, Stove Top Stuffing it was and I forgot to make mashed potatoes but the new yam casserole was divine.

I learned something on Christmas Day that is more precious than rubies. My children love me. Long story short: Gilmore Girl organized the kids to buy me a camera. She started this project in October. She was so excited to have me open it because she knew I would be so happy and so suprised. Trouble is, Phil didn't know about her plans so he got me one too. Then she felt their gift wasn't perfect even though it was perfect. Because of her sadness I learned something. She loves me more than I would ever have guessed. I learned what every mother wants to learn, but their kids usually don't even know how much they love their parents until the parents are dead ten years. I am so lucky to know this now. I cannot express this like I feel it. This knowledge is absolutely priceless.

An old high school friend of L. Bumhampton came the other night and visited for almost three hours. He said, "I can't believe I'm almost thirty and still in school and have a ton of school loans." And then he said, "But it doesn't matter, I am in school now and that's all that's important." And he's right. It isn't a competition. We aren't in competition with anyone else. Not even ourselves. We need to stop freaking out about our lack. Instead we should celebrate our wholeness. If we want to change something about ourselves, our behavior, our lives, we can, but I think we should be happy with who we are right now.

We went to a wedding reception tonight at Thanksgiving point and after we got home I looked at my newly painted fingernails--OPI's Dutch Tulips--red--and found nine nails polished, one totally naked. I am so proud.

At the reception there were only sweets, nothing savory; we sampled one of everything. Why? Because we're stupid. The pre-Christmas, Christmas and post-Christmas gluttony has me looking like the Goodyear blimp. Time for some responsible eating.

Next year I will be finished with Christmas preparations before December 20th. Hopefully before December 1st.

All right. Who is laughing in such an insane and disrespectful way?

I almost made my goal of writing 100 letters. I only made it by about half. Every letter I did write I loved writing. I wanted people to know how much they were loved and appreciated by me. I hope I can do the same this year. There are a lot of people who are on my list I want to write to.

I hope everyone is filled with good memories of Christmas and looking forward to a fantastic new year.

Write a letter. Or do something else. Laugh and love and serve happily. You enrich my life with your blogs and your comments. Thank you for taking the time to do both.

May God bless you,
Lynne

THE ANATOMY OF A SNOWY SHOPPING DAY

" Let's start the Christmas shopping at 9:30 in the morning," I said as Phil kissed me goodnight last night.

"Mmmump," he said, which, being the optimist I sometimes am I interpreted to mean, "Yes, dear."

We left the house at noon.

Our late start might have something to do with what we saw when we looked in the back yard.

Snow everywhere!

I think the hummingbird nectar might be frozen.

We did finally leave...The neighbor's snowman bid us farewell. I heard him snicker, "Slowpokes."This is a busy street. Usually. Today only one other fool was out.Someone forgot to take the flag down.We had a schedule--I even made a map--five places to go. We got to exactly one of them...the BYU Bookstore. We were there several hours. Phil went to get the car while I waited with the 100 pound bags. This is what the weather still looked like.And here he comes to pick me up. It is only an eight minute drive from BYU to our house. How come it was DARK when we got home? I think we drove through some kind of a time warp.

We said we would go back out to the other four places but...as you probably guessed, I am blogging and Phil is channel surfing. I guess we will start in the morning at 9:30. "Won't we dear?"

"Mmmrph."

PS Written the following day. We started at 1:30!