"What are you eating?" Phil asked.
"Pepperoni."
"Did you eat it all?"
You should know something about skinny Phil. He eats whatever he wants, whenever he wants. He eats with everybody. If someone is eating he will find out what they are eating, and sit down to have some, too. So, naturally he ate the rest of the salami. Graham crackers and rice milk and salami. A great combination.
He went to bed.
I went to bed a couple of hours later. In the middle of the night I woke up because there was a weasel fight outside our bedroom window. We sleep with the window open and so we hear lots of things in the middle of the night, but I've never heard a weasel fight before. In fact I've never even seen a weasel. But I knew, for sure, that I was hearing a knock-down, winner-take-all, weasel fight.
Then I listened closer and the weasel fight had a rhythm. Squeal, wheeze, pause, pause. Squeal, wheeze, pause, pause. It was Phil. I jumped gently on the bed, he turned over and silence reigned.
Elizabeth always goes to bed several hours after I do--she has insomnia. I heard her open the bathroom door. Screech. And then she closed the bathroom door. Screech. And then she opened the bathroom door. Screech. And closed it. And then I remembered that the bathroom door doesn't screech. It was Phil. I jumped, gently, on the bed twice, he turned over and there was silence.
Twice more I was awakened to bizarre noises but because I'm somewhat of quick learner I realized it was just Phil. I jumped on the bed a few times. Silence.
So, if you too want to be awakened to interesting nighttime activities just let your husband eat a bunch of odd food before bed. You will be amused and even get some jumping-on-the-bed exercise. It's a twofer.
