SUNDAY'S "MORE FUN"

Sorry I didn't blog last night. I had blog-block. Here's yesterday's "More fun" post.

When I got to church yesterday I nearly broke a rib leaning across the passenger seat to lock the back door and the front door and then...with a little clown car humor...the doors unlocked. All of them. More leaning, more ribs protesting, more locking, more unlocking. And more. And more. I'm not sure, but I thought I heard a little muffled car laughter. "Muffled." Get it?

Kramer was on the piano last night. Yes, the piano.

The last sanctuary of the cats. Not on top of the piano, just on the covered keyboard part. I think the top of the piano, and the clerk, are about the only places he won't be able to reach. And hopefully on top of the kitchen table.

This is the clerk. (And yes, some of the Christmas decorations are still up.)

Here's a close-up of my little Laplander girl, Lizbet. You can see why I don't want her to be used as a chew toy.

Kramer's perch this morning, where he barks at...nothing. Oh joy.

The fun never stops.

AND I stepped on dog poo IN THE HOUSE this morning. (Holding my head in my hands. I don't want to talk about it.)

A BUM STORY WITH A MORAL

I have a funny friend. I am going to call her "Mrs. Bird" because someone once said of her, "She's so dingy that if she were a bird she would fly into a window." She's not really "dingy." It's a game she plays with the world. She's really bright and her funniness enriches my life.

Mrs Bird came to see me tonight. She sat with me for an hour and told me stories. She's a great story teller and all of her outrageous stories are true. For the rest of us life happens in black and white and sometimes not even "talkies," but for Mrs. Bird life happens in 3-D.

One of the stories she told me was about a bout of diarrhea she had last week. She plays the piano for the Primary every other week and she was was supposed to play last week. Her tummy was still rumbling at noon and church starts at 1:00. She had taken Pepto Bismo for two days and thought that surely there wasn't anything left inside but, just in case, she made herself a little pad of absorbent fabric and put it--well, she put it--ah--in her--well, she put it in her crack-part.

She told her husband what she had done--she discusses EVERYTHING with her husband.

He said, "How are you going to keep your--ah--the, ah--well, you know, how are you going to keep it from falling out?"

"You're going to tape me shut," she said and handed him the masking tape.

So he said, "Bend over," and he proceeded to tape across her bottom with strips of masking tape about every two inches. "There", he said. "That ought to hold you."

And it did. And then, after Sacrament meeting, when she got to Primary she found out it wasn't even her turn to play the piano and so she got all taped up for nothing.

The moral: Prepare for the worst and sometimes you are pleasantly surprised to find out you don't even need your bum taped.

OUTWITTED BY EIGHT-YEAR-OLD CURLY SUE

Here is Curly Sue, the day before school started, at Mimi's Cafe, eating a gummy worm out of her "dirt cup" dessert.

She called me a few minutes ago to tell me she is learning how to write cursive and she has already written a cursive "S" better than her mother can do it. "It's easy," she said. I asked about her teacher. Here is the conversation that ensued:




“Well, guess what, Grandma? My teacher used to teach music at my school.”

“And did she say, ‘Maddy, your Mom should buy a piano and you should take music lessons.’?”

“No,” Maddy said, “She didn’t say that.”

“I’ll bet she did. You just didn’t hear her. I’ll bet she said it really quiet.”

“No, Grandma.”

“I’ll bet she whispered it, ‘Maddy, take piano lessons,’"I said in a whispery kind of voice. "After all, she was a music teacher, she knows how important music is.”

“No, Grandma, she was supposed to teach second grade but they didn’t have enough kids for that class so they said, ‘You have to teach music,’ so she did. So, Taa Daa. She doesn’t even really like music!”


And so my argument was over. Beat by a third grader who is going to grow up to be a great orator.

Maddy, the orator and her sister, Tuesday, the show-off.