CITIZENS OF TAMPA BEWARE

News flash.


This is a warning to all the citizens of Tampa, Florida. There is a rogue "dough blob" loose in the sewer system of the city. Rumor has it that an unnamed woman was making Pioneer Woman's Cinnamon Rolls for Christmas breakfast but since the alleged citizen has NEVER IN HER LIFE WORKED WITH YEAST she took a wrong turn in the kitchen and the cinnamon roll dough took on a life of it's own. Things were not going well.


She emailed her sister in Utah for advice. "What should I do with it? Should I flush it down the toilet?"

Her sister--I will call her Pam--, being the compassionate sister that she is, laughed hysterically and then dialed her sister's phone number and when the alleged baker picked up the phone she didn't even say "Hello." All she said was, "It's too late. It's flushed!"

Now we all know about "The Alligator," the one that lives in all sewers everywhere. The Tampa alligator tried to eat the dough blob but by now the dough blob had grown--being fed with sugary treats that had also been flushed by mothers who were tired of children bouncing off walls--and the blob attacked back. The Alligator left town and was last seen heading for Miami.

The Blob then proceeded to worm it's way into various toilets just to have a look around and get decorating tips. If the bathroom was decorated in "early make-up clutter and soapy bathtub toys, towels-on-the-floor" style the alleged blob waited slyly in the pipes. When a citizen was sitting, reading a back issue of the Reader's Digest, The Blob gave the citizen a little whack on the bottom with a blob-like tentacle. Men are particularly vulnerable. Reports have been coming in--from bottom-whacked victims--from all parts of the city and the possibility that the blob has procreated is high.

So, if you are tempted to make Pioneer Woman's Cinnamon Rolls--and they do look delicious--but you have NEVER WORKED WITH YEAST, think again. The city can only take so much trauma. The emergency room doctors and nurses are overloaded with bottoms sporting welts of the tentacle whacking type.

And besides that, Tampa is now without an Alligator. The tourist dollar may be on the decline because of this new development. The Chamber of Commerce will be meeting next week to see if they can put a positive "tourist enticing" spin on the blobish sewer phenomena. Tampa citizens are encouraged to call the Chamber of Commerce office with suggestions. Ask for Maude.

End of report.

THIS AND THAT--VAMPIRE BEST SELLER, EMERGENCY PREPARDNESS, PIONEER WOMAN and PLANE CRASH SURVIVORS

NON-SIGNED VAMPIRE BOOK: My--coughtotallyinsanecough--nephew--who I adore--promised his Sunday School class full of teenagers that if they read the Book of Mormon by the end of the year he would give them a signed copy of Stephenie Meyer's book, the last book in the TWILIGHT series, BREAKING DAWN. He thought it would be easy to obtain--coughdidn'tdoanyresearchfirstcough. He didn't know she's only had three book signings and signed copies of her book are $200 EACH, on EBay. Does anyone know Stephanie? He could send her some bookplates to sign if he had her sympathy. He certainly has mine.

EMERGENCY PREPAREDNESS: Are you worried that if we loose power you will freeze to death right in your own home. Go here and see some things you can do to prepare for emergencies. The link for foam clothing is there.

Phil and Kraut went to Jim Phillips' class years ago. Jim is the inventor of this amazing clothing. Who knows where the handouts are--somewhere in the garage--with the chairs. You can buy the clothing or make your own. There is a link to a video you can watch that explains the "Thermal Johns" and how they work. The test was done in a freezer at minus 18 degrees and the woman wearing the Thermal Johns started the test wearing them soaking wet.

The video that follows is about a portable composting toilet. It is called "Nature's Head." Honest, it is. I know you are thrilled to know this stuff. If you keep watching the video's you will see Jim give lots of good preparedness information. I've been watching for a l-o-n-g time. He said, "May we have the courage to create joy in our lives." That goes for more than preparedness, doesn't it?

You can click from one video to another by clicking on the second single forward arrow. He gives you information on everything unimaginable from a camping shovel and axe, bug spray, to the best books to read on survival. One short video is about a product called the Whiz Freedom. Yes, it's what it sounds like. Girls, you too can have the "stand up" experience.

PIONEER WOMAN: I know everyone on the planet knows about Pioneer Woman but just in case you don't follow the link and go see what she's up to. She has a cookbook blog, which I call the Add-Butter-Directly-To-Your-Thighs blog. She runs contests. My favorite was the one where people sent their recipes. When I'm bored I go read some of these. There are over 5,000. I've read about 200. It really gives you an idea of what people in America really eat, even though they say they steam their vegetables and eat whole grain bread, without butter, which Pioneer Woman doesn't believe in.

PLANE CRASH RECOVERY: Probably everyone knows about this too. In August a private plane crashed and burned in Arizona. The pilot died of injuries, the two passengers, Stephanie and Christian were burned badly. They have been recovering in Arizona while their four children were being cared for by Stephanie's siblings, here in Utah.

c jane enjoy it is a blog by Stephanie's sister. She has been giving updates on their recovery. Their recovery, by the way, has been nothing less than a miracle.

Their brother, The Jolly Porter has a blog too and it is good for a good chuckle. Only one problem with this site. He doesn't update often enough and he doesn't allow comments so people can't nag him about it. But he's in my ward so I nag every Sunday but I'm a failure though.

C Jane has links to Stephanie's blog which was written before the crash. Her posts are being re-posted. Stephanie is a lovely young mother who loved her role as wife and mother more than anything else in the world, even shoes.

You can donate to Stephanie and Christian's recovery efforts or even have an auction of your own and donate the money to this cause.

I wasn't going to write a book tonight or stay up this late, either. Don't tell Phil. He thinks I'm a reasonable person. Well, okay, he doesn't really think that but lets not add fuel to his list of reasons that I might not be reasonable.