THERE WILL BE NO FUNERAL POTATOES AT THE AFTER-FUNERAL-LUNCHEON

Tonight we went for a walk and I said we should stop and see a friend who's husband died two days ago. Phil said we shouldn't because he hadn't showered and I had garlic breath.

"Nonsense!," I said, breathing in his direction. He staggered in a daze and I took him by the hand--temporary blindness from the fumes--and before he knew it were were there.

I got an assignment. Please bring some food to the luncheon after the burial so she and some other family members can have something to eat. It can have no ham, no wheat, no sugar, no potatoes.... NO POTATOES? What about the famous Mormon funeral potatoes? I guess that's out. And some family members are vegan or at least used to be. I don't know what their status is now.

"I can make some roasted vegetables," I said, "They are wonderful."

"Oh," she said with just the barest hint of disappointment, "we make them all the time," Translation: Don't make those, please. Or maybe my translation filter is on the blink.

"Beans," she said, "some kind of chili would work but no wheat."

Wheat? In chili? And chili for a luncheon? It was my turn to stagger.

"You can figure something out," she said. "You're such a good cook."

I can't, I thought. I really can't.

So, now I am home, with my garlic breath, looking up recipes on the Internet for sugarless, wheatless, hamless, potatoless and honestly, there were two other restrictions in there somewhere. What were they, I wonder? Oh yes, one was dairy. No dairy of any kind. So the caramels really would have killed her with three kinds of sugar and two kinds of dairy. And no corn. That was the other thing. No corn and if those family members are still vegan it will be no meat, too.

I'm going to need some inspiration. I'm off to search the Internet for recipes with practically no food products in them. Wish me luck.

PS I've been looking for an hour now and I think I can do this. Found some great sounding recipes on Veggies Unite. Mmm.