CITIZENS OF TAMPA BEWARE

News flash.


This is a warning to all the citizens of Tampa, Florida. There is a rogue "dough blob" loose in the sewer system of the city. Rumor has it that an unnamed woman was making Pioneer Woman's Cinnamon Rolls for Christmas breakfast but since the alleged citizen has NEVER IN HER LIFE WORKED WITH YEAST she took a wrong turn in the kitchen and the cinnamon roll dough took on a life of it's own. Things were not going well.


She emailed her sister in Utah for advice. "What should I do with it? Should I flush it down the toilet?"

Her sister--I will call her Pam--, being the compassionate sister that she is, laughed hysterically and then dialed her sister's phone number and when the alleged baker picked up the phone she didn't even say "Hello." All she said was, "It's too late. It's flushed!"

Now we all know about "The Alligator," the one that lives in all sewers everywhere. The Tampa alligator tried to eat the dough blob but by now the dough blob had grown--being fed with sugary treats that had also been flushed by mothers who were tired of children bouncing off walls--and the blob attacked back. The Alligator left town and was last seen heading for Miami.

The Blob then proceeded to worm it's way into various toilets just to have a look around and get decorating tips. If the bathroom was decorated in "early make-up clutter and soapy bathtub toys, towels-on-the-floor" style the alleged blob waited slyly in the pipes. When a citizen was sitting, reading a back issue of the Reader's Digest, The Blob gave the citizen a little whack on the bottom with a blob-like tentacle. Men are particularly vulnerable. Reports have been coming in--from bottom-whacked victims--from all parts of the city and the possibility that the blob has procreated is high.

So, if you are tempted to make Pioneer Woman's Cinnamon Rolls--and they do look delicious--but you have NEVER WORKED WITH YEAST, think again. The city can only take so much trauma. The emergency room doctors and nurses are overloaded with bottoms sporting welts of the tentacle whacking type.

And besides that, Tampa is now without an Alligator. The tourist dollar may be on the decline because of this new development. The Chamber of Commerce will be meeting next week to see if they can put a positive "tourist enticing" spin on the blobish sewer phenomena. Tampa citizens are encouraged to call the Chamber of Commerce office with suggestions. Ask for Maude.

End of report.