TONY PACKO'S PICKLES

I'm not from Toledo. I'm not Hungarian. I've never eaten a Tony Packo hot dog or anything else Tony Packoish but my friend, Pam, who goes homeward bound at least once a year brought me a jar of Tony Packo pickles. It sat on my counter for a month while my fridge complained about the number of jars I have stuffed in it's stomach. Finally I said, "I'm the keeper of the kitchen and if I want a jar of curry sauce in your innards I'll have a jar of curry sauce there."

Just between you and me I have no desire to make curry soon or maybe even ever. Nor do I have plans for the Vietnamese chili sauce, the red piping gel or the organic unpasteurized miso sauce but I paid good money for them....you know how it goes. But the jar of pickles, now that is something I would eat so in the fridge they went, nestled with the sweet and sour sauce, crushed garlic and ginger, three kinds of homemade jam and a jar of malted barley powder. What on earth did I buy malted barley powder for. If I throw it out I'll need it by Friday.

One night, went I was fanaticizing about the deliciousness, satisfaction and guilt that two dozen hot chocolate chip cookies would bring into my sugar-deprived life, I searched desperately for something, anything to take the craving away. One bite of the sweet, hot, very salty Tony Packo pickle was just what I wanted.

Who knew this was the cure for sugar cravings? Does the Universe know? Weight Watchers? Do they know? Do the Tony Packo people, themselves know?

Shouldn't these unusual pickles be packed four to a nifty little plastic package and sold in vending machines as the alternative for people contemplating Hershey diabetic comas?

Shouldn't someone notify Tony Packo's and tell them of my brilliant idea?

And grocery stores everywhere should sell Tony Packo's pickles so I can get my next fix without paying $12.95 for two jars and $11.87 shipping. If I want the pickles to get here in three days I can pay $24.55 shipping or $32.59 for the two day rush. Good grief! It would be cheaper to staple my lips together and pay the drugstore for penicillin.

While I was rummaging in the fridge I found six pint jars of unidentifiable homemade something or other. Salad dressing maybe? Shouldn't I clean the fridge out? Wouldn't that be the responsible thing to do? Shouldn't I throw the bottle out that held Bubbies Sauerkraut and now just hold Bubbies Sauerkraut juice with a stray kraut floating here and there? No. I shouldn't. I have to blog and read other people's blogs. That's a perfectly good reason.

And I need to contact the Tony Packo people and get them right on to that vending machine idea. Now that's the responsible thing to do.