Monday, December 3, 2007


Don't feel sorry for me. I'm not sad or depressed. The "happy" I was talking about was/is pure joy. I have felt it a few times in my life. I think this is how we felt when we lived with our Heavenly parents before coming here, to earth life. I think this was the state we lived in, pure joy.

I have felt that joy a few times in my life. The most memorable one was after I lost a baby. I was five month pregnant and the baby died. He was perfect. The doctor couldn't find anything wrong. I could not heal. I grieved. There is nothing more powerful to say than to say I grieved. If you have ever lost a child you will understand.

In prayer I finally asked Heavenly Father if I could just see my child. That night, in a dream, my oldest child, Trent, brought the baby, Stephen, to me. The baby was dressed in a blue, footed sleeper. He had dark hair, like my other children had had--this was before my blond haired, blue eyed Bentley was born. Trent gave Stephen to me and my whole being was flooded with joy. It is my most precious memory.

That's the joy I'm talking about. That's the joy that comes so rarely. That's the joy we lived with, I think, when we lived with our Heavenly parents. That's the joy I miss. Maybe you miss it too.

1 comment:

Cindy said...

Thank you for sharing that precious memory of yours.
I too have only felt that pure joy a few times.
One of my most joyous memories was bringing Evan home from the hospital. He had just spend 17 days in the NICU had already endured two surgeries and been poked and prodded more than I had in my entire life. This was after a stressful pregnancy, with professionals for the most part being very negative!
The joy we felt bringing him into our home was indescribable!! We knew he had been sent to us for a reason! We continue to be in awe of him.

One of my other joyous memories happened when my first born David was a baby. He must have only been about 4 or 5 months old. I was sitting on the couch and Mike (my husband) was playing with David on the floor. They were just so happy and the love I could feel between them was almost tangible. Then the thought came to me, how wondrous it was that the two people I love the most in the world, loved each other!! Still gives me such a warm feeling thinking about it. And it goes on and on, because now that little baby boy has children of his own and the circle of love grows!!