From two ten year old boys, walking down the hall, "Dude, that's the worst place you want to pass gas." (I never did hear where that place was so I'm being extra careful.)
From a grown woman who has teenagers, "I'm not saying my teen is Satan or anything..." and then she went on to tell us about his bad attitude. There was a lot of nodding of heads and sympathy, I can tell you.
"I'm telling you, I was busy this last week, it was a horrible week," said one woman who really needed a bit of sympathy and an arm around her shoulders. The person she was talking to, gave her a one-second half-smile and said, "Excuse me, excuse me," and pushed around people standing in the isle and made her getaway. I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt and not thinking she was insensitive. I think she had to pass gas.
One of the Sacrament meeting speakers is from Australia. He said, "When the Polynesian people say, 'Aloha,' the audience usually greets them back with an 'Aloha.' 'G'day,' doesn't seem to get the same response." Then he said, "G'day," and most of us in the audience said, "G'day" back. He was surprised, I think.
"I'm down to my last caramel," said the older gentleman. I know he's fishing for more but I feel responsible for his health. He has diabetes and when I gave him a dozen caramels for Christmas--and told him he could eat one a day--he ate eleven of them before nightfall! The only reason he's not dead is he saved one to taunt me with.
"I'm thinking that Heavenly Father is having a good laugh about the mess I've gotten myself into." I think it's a good thing to bring humor to Heavenly Father. He's probably laughing his head off.
Now my mind has gone blank. I had several funny things to tell you but they are gone, kind of like gas.