Thursday, July 16, 2009


The Peterson Family from the great state of Hawaii. The prize is a bag of caramels, made with my own hands and wrapped, lovingly, while watching "House" or some other fool show.

Since they make it to the mainland occasionally I will keep their caramels in the freezer until arrival. Unless they don't come for six months and then I will have to mail them. Or maybe I will eat them myself. No, I wouldn't do that. heeheehee

Didn't know it was a contest? I know. I forgot that little piece of info. I'm squirrelly like that. Stay tuned for other unannounced contests at other times in other places. Maybe they will be on someone else's blog.

The name of the movie was indeed Monty Python and the Holy Grail. I know, hardly a movie and does have charm, in a perverted sort of way.

You may now log off of this blog and go to other, more interesting ones because I am going to give dialogue examples of this movie--if you could call it that--and if you continue reading it may rot yer brain.

King Arthur: [after Arthur's cut off both of the Black Knight's arms] Look, you stupid B-word. You've got no arms left.

Black Knight: Yes I have.

King Arthur: *Look*!

Black Knight: It's just a flesh wound.

And then, later, when the Black Knight continues to threaten Arthur despite getting both his arms and one (or maybe it was both) of his legs cut off Black Knight: Right, I'll do you for that!

King Arthur: You'll what?

Black Knight: Come here!

King Arthur: What are you gonna do, bleed on me?

King Arthur: It is I, Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon, from the castle of Camelot. King of the Britons, defeater of the Saxons, Sovereign of all England!

King Arthur: I am, and this is my trusty servant Patsy. We have ridden the length and breadth of the land in search of knights who will join me in my court at Camelot. I must speak with your lord and master.

King Arthur: What?

1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: You've got two empty halves of coconut and you're bangin' 'em together.

King Arthur: So? We have ridden since the snows of winter covered this land, through the kingdom of Mercia, through...

1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Where'd you get the coconuts?

King Arthur: We found them.

1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Found them? In Mercia? The coconut's tropical!

King Arthur: What do you mean?

1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Well, this is a temperate zone

King Arthur: The swallow may fly south with the sun or the house martin or the plover may seek warmer climes in winter, yet these are not strangers to our land?

1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?

King Arthur: Not at all. They could be carried.

1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: What? A swallow carrying a coconut?

King Arthur: It could grip it by the husk!

1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: It's not a question of where he grips it! It's a simple question of weight ratios! A five ounce bird could not carry a one pound coconut.

King Arthur: Well, it doesn't matter. Will you go and tell your master that Arthur from the Court of Camelot is here?

1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Listen. In order to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings forty-three times every second, right?

King Arthur: Please!

Sir Bedevere: What makes you think she's a witch?

Peasant 3: Well, she turned me into a newt!

Sir Bedevere: A newt?

Peasant 3: [meekly after a long pause] ... I got better.

And here is the dialogue with the winning line:

The Dead Collector: Bring out yer dead. [a man puts a body on the cart]

The Dead Collector: That'll be ninepence.

Large Man with Dead Body: Nothing. There's your ninepence.

The Dead Collector: 'Ere, he says he's not dead.

The Dead Collector: He isn't.

Large Man with Dead Body: Well, he will be soon, he's very ill.

Large Man with Dead Body: No you're not, you'll be stone dead in a moment.

The Dead Collector: Well, I can't take him like that. It's against regulations.

The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I don't want to go on the cart.

Large Man with Dead Body: Oh, don't be such a baby.

The Dead Collector: I can't take him.

Large Man with Dead Body: Oh, do me a favor.

Large Man with Dead Body: Well, can you hang around for a couple of minutes? He won't be long.

The Dead Collector: I promised I'd be at the Robinsons'. They've lost nine today.

Large Man with Dead Body: Well, when's your next round?

The Dead Collector: Thursday.

The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I think I'll go for a walk.

Large Man with Dead Body: You're not fooling anyone, you know. Isn't there anything you could do?

The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I feel happy. I feel happy.

[the Dead Collector glances up and down the street furtively, then silences the Body with his a whack of his club]

Large Man with Dead Body: Ah, thank you very much.

The Dead Collector: Not at all. See you on Thursday.


Lorraine said...

lol that was so funny, I neither read or seen's fabulous...ok now on to serious stuff, what do I have to do to get this caramel bag mailed to me?

Jessica said...

It did rotted my brain. You warned me, though. It's my very own fault.

Plus also, I've had those caramels. They are not gross. Definitely not gross.

The Peterson Family said...

Yay Me! (What show is that from? Unless you have Disney lovin kids at your house, you probable couldn't.)
Though I am sad to say that you may have to mail that carmel-ly goodness to me, since I'm not sure we'll be back there, even for Christmas this year. I'm doing my student teaching starting in the fall and things are going to be CRAAAAZY. But fun, right? (yes, that's me reassuring myself)

But I absolutely LOVE that I won a contest I didn't even know I entered! I was surprised that no one else had named the movie yet. Isn't it a classic? OK, more like twisted humor, but still - everyone should see it at least once - preferably with people who already think it's funny, or it just isn't.

OK, I'm writing a novel not a comment!