Sunday, February 10, 2008

CAKE

This is all that is left of the seven pound chocolate cake we bought at Costco last week when they were on sale for ten dollars. I figure if you ate the whole thing you would gain fourteen pounds so that comes to about 70 cents a pound. A bargain.

Notice that on the cake paper there is a swipe where someone took their finger and swiped up a bit of cake that was left on the paper. I have no idea who does such plebian things.

Of course we didn't eat the whole thing all at once but this is all that is left so we have made a pretty big dent in it, day by day. We're like that, willing to chip away at a task, day by day until it is accomplished.

I'm pretty sure we gained weight, chipping away at this four level bit of decadence, but since my husband is perpetually thin maybe the fatness that was allocated for him will be added to me. I do not want his allocation.

When my first baby was about a year old, he's--coughfortycough--still young so it was hardly any time ago, at all, I made a beautiful chocolate cake for dinner. We all had one piece. The next day while my perpetually skinny husband was at work I decided to have a piece of cake. Then, because Duncan Heinz and I were such marvelous bakers, I decided to have another piece. And while my child napped I ever so carefully sliced one more sliver off the cake and another sliver and another sliver which added up to another piece--or more. Then, I took a good look at it and was shocked. There was more than half left but not a lot more than half.

I couldn't let my husband come home from work and see that his wife was a cake glutton. I was a cake glutton but I couldn't let him see it. So, I did what every sane woman in the history of the world would do. I stuffed the cake down the garbage disposal, baked a new one, cut as much as was gone when he left for work, stuffed that down the garbage disposal too and finished just in time for dinner.

After dinner Phil had a piece of cake. I couldn't face eating one more piece so I declined. He thought I was full of restraint and was disciplined. He was right. I was disciplined enough to not tell this tale until now.

I should reward myself for my discipline. Maybe with a piece of cake. If I eat just one piece there will be enough for a piece for Mr. Disgustingly Skinny and one for me, tomorrow.



13 comments:

Mental P Mama said...

That is hysterical!

Kacey said...

I was actually laughing out loud with that story!! Too funny! The things we do for our husbands. We're thoughtful that way ;)

Astromom said...

That is so, so funny. That costco cake is the most delicious chocolate cake in the world. I've just had to learn not to ever buy it unless there will be lots and lots of people around to help eat it. But now you've talked about it I'm am so craving it and want to buy it today when I go shopping and I don't know if I'll have the restraint. Oh, Nooooo.

tearese said...

thats too funny! I wouldn't apologize for eating more than my fair share of desert...but then, my husbands bigger than me at the moment, and this might change a few years in the future if I keep it up.

Ekim said...

You are a scream, Lynne.

Mom2BJM(Amy) said...

Just came home from costco.. no chocolate cake in hand. Too bad I don't care for chocolate cake.. I'd rather hit Cold Stone Creamery for my fix.

You are a brave woman to tell that story.

whirligigdaisy said...

Oh Lynne. I have been in this same predicament and have thought to extricate myself from it in the way you described. Too, too, funny. (and clever).

C.C. said...

That is one of the funniest things I have read on a blog anywhere! Oh my...

{b r a n d i} said...

Wow, now that is funny!!!!!!!

Tina said...

Oh my lord! That is some funny stuff!

Jill said...

Too funny!
First of all, I can't believe you have that much All American Chocolate Costco cake left.
It lasts about two days at our house.
Your solution to the missing cake sounds like something I would do, except I wouldn't throw any away, I would wrap it up really good, and hide it in the back of the freezer.
You never know when you'll need a chocolate cake fix.

g said...

Hilarious, hilarious, hilarious. I teased my wife (Astromom could not restrain herself at Costco –however, unlike the $10.00 sale that you got, we payed full price, a whomping $17, but worth every penny) so I teased her that she had eaten 2/3 of the cake herself (she has finished off delicious bags of Maui Onion potato chips from Costco before—I think) she assured me that she hadn't, that she had chunked out pieces, a large piece to a neighbor, a few to the freezer, etc. (it was too bad, as much as I may have teased her for eating 2/3 of a cake, I would have been secretly proud of her, just like when that boy in Matilda finished the Chocolate cake, with all the kids cheering him on the whole time, I too would have cheered her on, forgotten it and smiled, all in my head though, it seems improper to cheer my wife on for eating 2/3 of a cake, although in my head I might) so... I was teasing her that I was going to eat the rest of the cake, roughly 1/3 of a whole cake, I mounted Chocolate Oreo Chocolate Chip Ice Cream on top, I filled a small (well actually it was a medium sized) mixing bowl full of this monstrosity of cream, sugar, chocolate, and flour (flour's good, heck flour's a staple!) I proceeded to eat this bowl full of diabetes-casuing, stomach-aching, wonderful goodness... I was dissapointed with myself, I found myself getting sick of sugar, chocolate, and cream, wo is me, I finished, but also realized that I could never have eaten 2/3 of a cake myself, if only I could be as cool as I thought Astromom was, eating 2/3 of a cake. I guess I am becoming like everyone else, smaller portions, you know large mixing bowls down to medium sized mixing bowls.

Damama T said...

Hi, Lynne! I jumped over from Whirligig Daisy. Love the cake story and your solution to the missing cake dilemma. Fortunately I have... ahem, ummm, never had that problem because we have dogs. They get into everything. We use to have an 80+ lb Dob/Lab mix who... mmmm... loved chocolate brownies. Can't count the number of times I ... mmm... went out (yeah, that's it) and came back to find the empty pan on the count.. oh.. ummmm.. floor. ;o)

I'm glad DeAnn pointed me over here. I'll sure be back when I have more time to spend. TTFN

http://damama2all.blogspot.com/