Tuesday, June 2, 2009


Ever since I glued thumbtacks on the lawn swings we have had bird-poopless lawn swings. It has been nice. Until today. On each lawn swing was a random bird dropping. Not where they would have stood on the bar, singing and having a moment. No, in a random place. Here's how I think it happened.

Bird one--The Culprit: Ouch, ouch, ouch.

Bird two: Whaa's the mattah? (He's a New York bird, blown off course by a nasty freak wind. Maybe he's from the Bronx or maybe he's even from Yonkers. I love that name. Yonkers. It just kind of plonks off the tongue. Yonkers.)

The Culprit: My feet hurt. I flew down to my favorite bathroom spot and now my feet hurt and I didn't even have time to....

New Yorker: Ah, ya fool. Ya've been thumtacked.

The Culprit: Thuntacked, what does that mean?

New Yorker: It means "keep off" in human language. They are a naughty species and probably think it's funny to see ya hopping around, holding yer foot up fer inspection..

The Culprit: Well, I'll be. What a mean thing to do.

New Yorker: We'll get revenge. Here's what we'll do.

Then New Yorker proceeds to whisper into The Culprit's ear and soon The Culpret is making a pass over the lawn swings and we hear New Yorker yelling, "Bombs away!" and that is how the lawn swings happen to have bird poop in random places.


The Culprit: How's that?

New Yorker: Perfect! Tomorrow we'll fly off and get
Zelzee's car. Her regulars are gettin' tired and I told them we'd bring in fresh ammo.


Shan said...

I'm positive that's how it all went down. Only do you mind if in my version of your story the New York bird from Yonkers was in the Mafia? He would say stuff like, "I should that she swims with the fishes for that thumbtacking." Or maybe, "I've got a pair of cement shoes just in her size." Then when Kesk and I go to New York, we'll have to be especially careful incase that bird puts a hit out on us because of our association with you. Look at all the trouble you got me into by putting those thumbtacks up there!

Tierney said...

Well, I cannot blame the little birds. What an impolite hostess, to thumbtack their favorite potty spot. How would you feel if you went to use the potty one day and Phil had glued thumbtacks all over it. That puts it in perspective, huh?

Bonnie said...

Clever story about some extremely clever birds.

Michael Rawluk said...

I think the birds will just start wearing metal soled shoes.

Shawn said...

Love the NY accents! Are they gangsta birds?

Hey---btw, did you vote for my blog over on MMB? I didn't hear from you.... :(

just go to mormonmommyblogs.blogspot.com---scroll down the right side----click on SWANEESINGER!!


tearese said...

whenever I hear Yonkers, I think of Hello Dolly.
Totally not related, but thats what I was thinking as I read this.

Anonymous said...

I love it. I always have it in my mind that most birds sound like the beatles' Liverpool accent. However the New Yorker would be mafia related. Glad they visited the matress after we left last night (referencing the godfather)

zelzee said...

OMG................So that's how they know to attack my car!!!

I am so tired of driving a gold with white polka dots car!