Monday, September 8, 2008

"ALT TAB," DO I HAVE ANY "REAL" EMAIL YET?

Why is it that even though I have a blog to write, a personal history story to write, I keep typing "alt-tab" to see if I have any real email. I don't hope for real mail any more. I don't send hardly any myself, even though I mean to.

So, I push "alt-tab" and see I have emails from:

Flylady--I'm sure she is going to tell me to fold a batch of laundry and swish and swipe or swish and flush--I'm not kidding. She says something like that. And she tells me to put on shoes with laces. Does she not know about bare feet and summer and toe nail polish? And she'll tell me to do something to the dishwasher, either unload it, or start it, or look vacantly into it because you have lost your mind and think it's the refrigerator. It you are old you think it's the ice box.

ThirdAge Health and Wealth--I'm sure they will tell me to brush my teeth to avoid heart disease, stop eating sugar, exercise and I don't know what they are going to say about wealth. Get some, I guess.

Fire Mountain Gems Specials--they show me beads and more beads, thinking that just because I subscribed to their email service, that I'm going to become a beader...or a jewelry maker or whatever you are when you are creative and make stuff. I figured it out one day, I could buy a bunch of their beads and make something sub-standard that would only cost me twice as much as if I went to a great store, like Chico's, and bought something stylish that I would love. It might cost me three times as much. I'm not opening that email. I have made enough ugly, handmade, half finished stuff in my day that got donated to DI where someone else bought it, brought it home, looked at it for a month and donated it back to DI. Because of my stupid, half-made, ugly stuff DI has made lots and lots of dollars. They should send me an email, thanking me.

Top Secret Recipes--since he started charging 79 cents for his recipes I don't go to his site. He is grieving over my absence, I'm sure.

Some one's weekly e-zine--who is this and why did I subscribe to this? It's a mystery. Everyone should have a little mystery in their life and this, obviously, is mine. I am going to state, right here, in black and white--I want a better mystery.

Self Improvement Newsletter--As if I don't feel bad enough about myself. I'm not opening this to see what else I don't do. No sir-ee. I'll just stay ignorant and un-improved.

Health Seeker's Forum--see Third Age Health, above. They might say eat raw food, too. It seems I have subscribed to a lot of "health" type newsletters or groups. I wonder if "this means something." (Reminder to myself: add Close Encounter of the Third Kind" to my Netflix queue. Yesterday we watched another one of my interesting films. This one was completely in French with English subtitles. Phil had a nice nap while I watched. I really know how to pick winners. I should hire out as an advisor at horse race tracks.)

Early to Rise---Ha! Now I might open one that says "Early in the Morning to Bed." But I'm trying to quit. As soon as this blog post is done and I've written a personal history story I'm going to bed. I have five minutes to make my goal.

Alt-tab. Well, would you lookit that? A real email.

Bye.

2 comments:

Dave Robertson said...

LOL @ your feelings about bead-supplier junk emails! We're going to think twice before spamming you! ;-)

Thanks for the laugh,

--Dave
at Rings & Things

Tierney said...

This is so cute! I get busy for a couple days and come to check out your blog and you've written such treasures. That is so funny about the dishwasher and the fridge and ice box. I love your humor. And I so relate to the thing about the beads. I have eight hundred dollars with of antique "jewels?" which I bought from e-bay for a craft project. So don't go to Chico's! We can just craft something up together, tee-hee!

xo,

Tierney