PLANNING AHEAD SO YOU CAN DO A BIG PROJECT

I clicked on a website tonight, an email link from some person who is organized. She must also be an optimist to send organizing info. to the likes of me.

Here are some of her ideas for if I have a big project coming up that will take more of my time and add stress to my schedule.

Plan ahead: Okay, my big project is to finish--or even seriously start--my book.Let's see how I'm going to do that. Her ideas in blue, because she's so optimistic and blue seems like an optimistic book. My arguments in red because red seems like a hot color. Not to be confused with hot romance.

1. Get your body ready. Try to sleep a little extra and get caught up beforehand. Eat healthy and don’t skip your vitamins or exercise routine.

The reason this won't work: It will take my body a year to get in shape. My book is supposed to be finished by then, if it's not, then I will have forgotten all about it.

2. Plan meals that don’t take a lot of preparation. Stock up on non perishables and supplies.

Non-perishable foods are the ones that aren't good for you. The foods that are good for you are the ones that spoil. And meals that don't take a lot of preparation are what? A piece of broiled chicken and some buttered noodles. Easy? Yes. Good for you? No. Weren't we trying to get our poor body in shape and eat healthy? So, eating healthy and fixing easy meals are not compatible with nonperishable foods. Unless you are going to eat salad every day and salad takes lots of preparation time. And perishes.

3. Don’t add anything unnecessary to your schedule. Wait until the crunch is over to get your teeth cleaned or get bids for painting your house.

Everything is unnecessary when you are trying to write, including sleeping, which conflicts with suggestion #1.

4. Plan your wardrobe. Make sure everything you plan to wear is clean/mended/pressed.

See argument to #3. Clean, mended and pressed clothes are unnecessary if you are writing. You write. You may write in jammies but for sure you aren't writing in anything with a freshly ironed crease. The only crease you will have is from sleeping on your face when you finally stumbled to bed.

5. Communicate. Schedule time with your family to discuss upcoming family events and how details and transportation will be handled in your absence.

Here's how details will be handled in your absence--translated--I'm on the computer, don't bother me. "Phil, dear, could you please get your own meals? And wash your own clothes? And if its not too much bother could you please vacuum the floor and do the dishes because--after all--I'm writing. Oh, one more thing. You're making some of your fabulous homemade V-8 juice. Would you please make some for me too? And bring it down here to me? Thanks so much."

6. Be wise about volunteer activities. For example, let’s say you’re asked to serve on the church finance committee which meets twice a month on Monday nights. This would mean spending more time away from your family.

Well, sorry, but church responsibilities come even before writing in my jammies. I want to end my life on good standing with my Father and I don't think he cares whether or not I write that YA novel but I do think he cares that I helped his other children, which means serving in the church.

So, thanks for the helpful suggestions and the optimistic email. Sorry to fail your suggestion list.

Now, if there is a list on how to handle a husband who has gone around the bend because his wife is demanding, lives in jammies, has a keyboard glued to her fingers, and has facial creases, well, I'd like to see that list. It might be helpful.

PS I have lead you to believe that I am wonderfully productive about this mythical book thing. Sorry to mislead you. I do try to write every day but life does interfere. I would rather stay married than publish. I would rather have friends than publish. I would rather eat salad than publish and maybe that's the problem. Something would have to go. I'm afraid to think that it might be sleep.