Friday, August 28, 2009


Really, when you can't sleep and you don't want to get up and read. because then you think you won't be able to sleep if you do, and so you lie there--or is it "lay"--and then, just about the time you have finally gone to sleep and are having a really good dream--translate: totally insane but makes you say to yourself, "Whoa, I have a really intense, interesting subconscious mind,"--the roofers across the street start their banging. "BANG." Pause. "BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG." Pause, pause, pause, pause, pause. "BANG." Pause. "BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG." And then they repeat until you stumble out of bed and walk into the wall and eventually make it to the bathroom and after standing in the shower for five minutes you wake up when you realize you are still in your nightclothes.

Do roofers take the weekend off? I don't know if I want them to, or if I want them to get done on Saturday and hope they won't ruin Monday too. But the lawnmowers will ruin Saturday so the roofers might as well keep them company. What people mow their lawns at 7:00 a.m. anyway? And then they use their leaf blowers, that are made from recycled jet airplane parts. Those people are the ones who probably wake up when my kitchen light goes on at 1:30 as I'm getting a drink before going to bed. The early morning mowing and jet-leaf-blowing is retribution.

And why do some people live such ordered lives, go to bed at 10:30, get up at 6:30 and never live in chaos? I was programed at BIRTH to have sleep problems--translate: not go to bed before 1:00 a.m. and I HATE it. I want to be one of those people with ordered lives. I really do. Like roofers and people who mow their lawns with the dew still on it so they can replace their mowers in five years when it rusts out from all the moisture that collects under the grass gunk that collects under neath. It would be a small price to pay.

PS In the winter the neighbor in question shovels the snow off his patio at 6:30 a.m. Yes he does. His snow shovel is made of cheap metal and grates on the cement in a satisfying way--translate: annoying and loud. It sounds like a thousand metal garbage cans are being crushed by a gravel crusher. Perhaps snow free patios are essential to the sanity and well being of this particular homeowner.

Or, it's retribution.


Shan said...

I only have 3 things to say about all of this:
1. The word is indeed "lie". You use the word "lay" when referring to something what that isn't a person and is mostly not alive.
2. I have a rooster that wakes me up at awful roofer hours and I'm not in love with it either.
3. I just forgot what the 3rd thing was but I think it had something to do with the fact that I'm pretty sure ordered lives are most likely overrated. I'm not positive as I don't own one myself. It makes me feel better to think that their lives are probably all sorts of screwed up in ways that we don't know about and wouldn't want to trade with.
4. The end.

hillary said...

What in the heck. I just only have a strange and useless husband who has work off YET AGAIN (my bills are gasping) so he sets his alarm for 5:00 AM so he can go fishing which makes his sweet understanding wife toss and turn and be awake at 5 am and finally get up and check blogs at 5:45. Thats all I have. It is not a pleasure. Although I did go to bed at 10:30. So I may be somewhat orderly. Don't judge me.

Lorraine said...

Well, I go to bed around 4 or 5 pm because well because. I wake up around 11 but I never get up. By that time I can usually turn off my air conditionner even If it was cold when i put it on 'cause it stops all the people and their incessant noise. Then I'll get up maybe at 1 am or 2 am or 3am or 4am but rarely later than 5 am. I'm quiet, I don't make noise. I hate noise, above all human voices...I am beyond weird, take comfort in that ;) lol So I'm thinking some kind of white noise, you now like a humidifier, although I'm worried one of my 3 cats might tip it over and then there will be water and electrical outlets and we'll all fry. My life is insane. It's nice to no I'm not totaly alone. Although admitedly you have a long way to go, before you get as weird as I am...sigh
The End.

Laura ~Peach~ said...

to the one with rooster problems... Fried rooster is delish... thats what happend when ours attacked one time to many LOL...
I am weird too and like you i cant sleep before 1 or 2 am... and i am one of those sick people who is still up at 6 am... i do cut grass early but not that early... and i nearly choked laughing at leaft blowers made from spare airplane parts... i own two of them because one was just not enough LOLOLOL... honest they are great fun to use!
thanks for the morning giggle... oh and waking up in the shower with jammers on is the reason i sleep in skin... my glasses have made it into the bed and shower many times however!
LOL love it!

Jessica said...

Last night, I didn't fall asleep until 4AM. I am an orderly sleeper, usually (but little else is orderly, if that makes you feel better), but last night I was up all night with a two year old with the flu. And then I was up at six. I would normally feel sorry for you (because I, too, used to be an insomniac - you don't want to know how I cured it), but not today. I'm sorry. But I still love your very guts.

Colette Amelia said...

well sleeeping is so very important and if only I could sleep properly. Like Lorraine who has also bumped her head noise bothers me...and I hear everything. Sprinklers wake me up and they are 3 floors down and how noisy are they?

Let me tell you the beauty is suffering from this inadequate sleep.

And of course the body aches.

Michael Rawluk said...

I had to force myself to stay awake until nearly 1:03 last night. Had to finish the book I was reading.

Mental P Mama said...

Definitely "lie." And I would recommend some Quietude homeopathic sleep tablets. So wonderful....and maybe some new neighbors.

Celestia said...

oh lynne you are so funny! Thanks for providing comic relief at 5 AM when I have a fussy baby who won't sleep!