Friday, August 14, 2009


Today I decided to make bread because good bread--from Great Harvest--is now over four dollars a loaf. Plus we have new neighbors and I wanted to take them a hot loaf of welcome-to-the-neighborhood bread. Plus Phil says my bread is "the best." (His direct, unsolicited quote.)

First--I had to clean the wheat grinder because--after last year's two failures in a row--it's been a year since I made bread.

Second--I had to grind the wheat.

Third--I had to make the darn bread but because someone called me on the phone while I was making bread--don't you love it when people call and DON'T say, "Is this a good time?"--I forgot to add the oil, lemon juice, sugar and salt. So I had to add it later and hope it mixed in properly.

Fourth--I didn't add enough flour

Fifth--I forgot to turn off the oven--after preheating for one minute--so the bread could rise in the nice warm, but not hot oven--and so the oven heated to the full 350 degrees and because of that I had to leave the oven door open--thank-you air conditioning for cooling my 350 degree kitchen--until the oven returned to barely warm.

Sixth--I let it rise to the top of the pans before I turned the oven on to 350 degrees.

Seventh--I had a nagging feeling of failure--add more flour my nagging feeling said--before I baked the bread but I was NOT taking the risen dough out and adding more flour because I was sick of bread dough at this point. I still had bread making utensils to wash in hot soapy water in a 350 degree kitchen and the wheat grinder to clean so I squelched my nagging feelings and they limped away but just before they turned the corner I think I heard them say, "You'll be so-rry."

Eighth--The bread was too wet--not enough flour--and it fell and is now 2 1/2 inches tall. I can't take squatty-Pygmy bread to a new neighbor because I don't want her to look at me with squinty eyes the rest of my life.

Ninth--Great Harvest's bread is pre-made. What a concept. And they only charge four dollars and something a loaf. And you are sane when you go there and buy it. And your kitchen remains cool. And there is nothing to wash.

I wonder if the neighbors like caramels because I think I have some in the freezer.

Why didn't I think of that earlier?


Muum said...

yep. bread happens.

Lorraine said...

YOU. Make. Bread. I'm in awe...everything after that was lost in a state of AWE...

Shan said...

Bless your heart. Probably putting the Great Hearvest bread in your own bag is like baking it far as the neighbor knows, anyway.

Colette Amelia said...

OK now that you are all practiced up make some more! Get back on that bread horse and don't look back.

You can't let a little bit of unpractice defeat the almighty kitchen goddess...and get Phil to answer the phone and tell who ever it is that you will phone them back...and since he loves your bread so much he can do the clean up!

you will thank me for this advice!

Michael Rawluk said...

You are an inspiration - to Colette Amelia. I couldn't bake bread to save my life.

I will be inspired to taste test her effort in an hour or so. She has never disappointed so I am very optimistic. Fat and optimistic.

Annette said...

I'm so glad I'm not the only one who does things like that! I've been known to scrape our 6 pans of banana bread because I forgot the sugar and was trying to salvage it!

I'm so glad yy cousin has such good neighbors and that you are one of them. Thank you! You have already blessed their lives.

PS -- who wouldn't love your caramels?

Astromom said...

I can relate to this blog more then you know. Just the idea that you made this bread is wonderful. You are so sweet. I agree, Great Harvest doesn't look so bad after all.

Bonnie said...

Things like this happen to me when i try to cook something I haven't made for a long time. Thanks for the honest and humorous post.

TheQueen@TerrorsInTiaras said...

So funny. Sometimes there are things that just aren't worth the time. :)

Mom2BJM(Amy) said...

As Colette says, get back up on the bread horse! I have a bowl of dough rising right this minute! And?? I didn't grind the wheat, because I chose to make white only instead! I"m afraid it'll be a disappointment after the last FABULOUS batch of white.. we'll see!