Today I decided to make bread because good bread--from Great Harvest--is now over four dollars a loaf. Plus we have new neighbors and I wanted to take them a hot loaf of welcome-to-the-neighborhood bread. Plus Phil says my bread is "the best." (His direct, unsolicited quote.)
First--I had to clean the wheat grinder because--after last year's two failures in a row--it's been a year since I made bread.
Second--I had to grind the wheat.
Third--I had to make the darn bread but because someone called me on the phone while I was making bread--don't you love it when people call and DON'T say, "Is this a good time?"--I forgot to add the oil, lemon juice, sugar and salt. So I had to add it later and hope it mixed in properly.
Fourth--I didn't add enough flour
Fifth--I forgot to turn off the oven--after preheating for one minute--so the bread could rise in the nice warm, but not hot oven--and so the oven heated to the full 350 degrees and because of that I had to leave the oven door open--thank-you air conditioning for cooling my 350 degree kitchen--until the oven returned to barely warm.
Sixth--I let it rise to the top of the pans before I turned the oven on to 350 degrees.
Seventh--I had a nagging feeling of failure--add more flour my nagging feeling said--before I baked the bread but I was NOT taking the risen dough out and adding more flour because I was sick of bread dough at this point. I still had bread making utensils to wash in hot soapy water in a 350 degree kitchen and the wheat grinder to clean so I squelched my nagging feelings and they limped away but just before they turned the corner I think I heard them say, "You'll be so-rry."
Eighth--The bread was too wet--not enough flour--and it fell and is now 2 1/2 inches tall. I can't take squatty-Pygmy bread to a new neighbor because I don't want her to look at me with squinty eyes the rest of my life.
Ninth--Great Harvest's bread is pre-made. What a concept. And they only charge four dollars and something a loaf. And you are sane when you go there and buy it. And your kitchen remains cool. And there is nothing to wash.
I wonder if the neighbors like caramels because I think I have some in the freezer.
Why didn't I think of that earlier?