Tuesday, August 11, 2009

TODAY I SHOULD BE BURIED ALREADY SO I CHANGED MY ATTITUDE AND NOW I'LL NEVER DIE. ALMOST.

I checked the Death Clock website today and found that I should have died on my birthday this year. I had zero days to live, in fact, I should be mouldering in my grave.

So I changed my outlook from "pessimistic" to "optimistic" and found that I have loads of time left. I'm going to live to be 101, three months and ten days.* Who knew that happy, cheerful people live longer?

So, then I decided to loose a whole bunch of weight--theoretically--and I am supposed to die sooner. Ten years sooner.

If I am a pessimist and thin I should be dead already.

If I am a sadist and thin I should have been dead twenty-four years ago.

The conclusion: Optimistic, fat people live the longest.

I hope this makes your day.


*I have a feeling my first "optimistic" statistics are somehow skewed but I am not redoing them. Since I've decided to be an optimist, I'm believing it. Why not? It could happen. Yup, that's how us optimists think.

"An optimist is the human personification of spring." (Susan J. Bissonette)

12 comments:

Shan said...

First of all, being the first one to comment on your blog makes me just plain happy. Unless someone sneaks on in while I'm writing. That happened once and it was not my favorite.

Second of all, the only thing I have to say about you being dead is something I actually already said. I will repeat it however, not for your benefit, but for Hillyerie's. Apparently it is the most favorite thing I ever said. And I quote myself, "I don't think you should die because I'd hate for the first time I ever met you to be at your funeral."

Techincally, I guess you could die on Friday, but I don't recommend that either.

Laura ~Peach~ said...

i should live forever... not that i would want to LOL

Jessica said...

You mean all my healthy eating will make me die sooner? That's it. Where's a cheesecake?

Lorraine said...

You are so funny, I've done the 'when will you die test' and it think it's April 13 (bet it's a friday) 2016 or something like lol oh and I'm murdered, I always knew somehow that someone would not like me taking his/her photo ;) lol

Marsha said...

How hilarious!

Michael Rawluk said...

I will have another piece of cake while I ponder this. Or maybe some macaroni since the word verification is impasta

Karen Deborah said...

you are a crack up is what you are! we can always count on you for some good humor and great stories. I don't believe a word of it. I guess that makes me dead already.

N7GMT said...

So here's something to think about:

We had a BBQ with SoapQueen's family, including Dr. Bro-in-law. He said it take one kilo-calorie (1000 calories) to raise one liter of water one degree. Since ice cream is really really cold, all those calories in the ice cream get burned up just heating the ice cream up to body temperature.

Net zero calories in effect. So there you go, have a bowl on me!

Annette said...

You definitely made my day!

Muum said...

And once again, chocolate is the answer!

hillary said...

Being number Eleven to comment is not very impressive.

I'm going to see when I will die now. Hopefully I'll see you later.

Astromom said...

It did make my day. It makes me more optimistic too.