Here are some of the things DeAnn and I decided I need to take out of, or put in, my chapter book. (DeAnn's blog is here.)
We took out the cattle guard at the cemetery. We figured modern kids wouldn't know what a cattle guard is and it had no reference to the story anyway. I overwrite. Obviously. I'm sure you have noticed this.
We took out my wanting to sit on the grave that had the ornamental fence around it. (I slept on my grandparents graves once--with all my girl friends, but that's a story for another day.)
We took out Mr. Anderson's grammar lesson.
We decided we needed the "smell" of the country store.
We liked the thumping of the watermelon but again, it has no reference to the story. Can I somehow pick up the watermelon and shoot it later? (Reference to, "If you show a gun someone is going to have to shoot it later.") Maybe watermelons are exempt. In the version DeAnn didn't see, they thumped the different watermelons to play a tune. DeAnn is spared some nonsense.
I decided the protagonist wants to design shoes, not be a fashion designer. I'm not sure either one works. I got the idea from Curly Sue who wants to be a fashion designer but not sew the fabric, just pick it out.
I took the reference about the bottle caps out before I even showed it to DeAnn. I loved it though. Maybe I'll put it back so she can tell me to take it out next week.
We took out that the plural of dice is die.
We took out that Mr. Drake chops off the lamb's tails. He did it with an "Ai-Yah" and a very big knife. Some things are obviously not meant to be in kid's books.
I ended the chapter--twice too long, I think--without a climax. I ran out of steam. I must fix all this stuff by next week. I didn't talk about how the sandals were ruined or the protagonist knew her sister was going to punish her.
Oh, how well sisters can punish and never have to lay a hand on the victim. I am personally damaged by my clever sister's psychological punishment. That's why I blog, to punish my readers as I was once punished. Is it working?
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6 comments:
I will read your chapter book. In fact, I read "Junie B. Jones and Some Sneaky Peeky Spying" just yestereday just for kicks. If I were 5 and she weren't fictional, Junie B. would be my best friend.
Doesn't every story need a cattle guard? Even Treasure Island had one.
you are just too clever for me...I am impressed the stuff you took out was fantastic...the stuff that is still in there must be over the moon!
I simply must hear the story of sleeping on your grandparents grave. That must go in the book, Lynne. Or another book, maybe. I hate taking out good stuff. All good stuff must have a home, somewhere. I'm sure of it.
Lynne, to answer your question. No, it's NOT working. I don't feel punished reading your blog. Your blog is totally delightful!! I can't wait to read your book!!
"Dice" is the plural for "die" not the other way around: "one die, two dice." Maybe that's what you meant, but not what I read. And the little dots are "pips" if you ever find a way to work that in.
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