"How are you," I said.
"Fine."
I can read between the lines. She was not fine.
"What's the matter, you don't have your..." I lowered my voice to a whisper. "...bottom stuffed with fabric and taped shut again, do you?" (Don't believe me? Read here.)
"Oh, no," she said, "but I do have a rash on my bottom and it won't go away and I've tried...." and then she proceeded to tell me all the things she has tried to get rid of her bum-rash. (Mrs. Bird will tell you anything, really, she will. Ask anyone who knows her.)
And then she proceeded to tell me more than I wanted to know about several others subjects and my eyes glazed over and...well, I was in for a long listen.
Did I mention that I adore Mrs, Bird? I don't want to give you the wrong impression, because I do.
And, if you have a rash and want to know several ways not to cure it, and if you want to be entertained by a number of other subjects for a good long time....she'll be at church next week and you can catch her in the hall.
11 comments:
Hmmm, I was going to finally break down and go to church, but now I am afraid that Mrs. Bird will be there. Just kidding. You are such a patient soul. I was just thinking that Mrs. Bird is lucky to have you. Maybe I am a Mrs. Bird to you too! Well, I hope not. I don't have a bum rash, anyway. But my elbows are very itchy...
Tierney, dear Tierney, Your comments always make me smile and I needed that this morning as I thought I had deleted my personal history story last night. If you were a Mrs. Bird to me--which by the way would be a wonderful thing--I would be doubly blessed. But, luckily, you are an itchy elbow skinned woman that I adore. Remind me to tell you about why you are an "Elbow of a woman."
ELbows are my favorite. I am a Mrs Bird sometimes. She is a riot. I love your guts mom. Can't we play?
I want to be best friends with Mrs. Bird so badly I can hardly stand it!!!! She is my kind of people. If I'd been clever enough to think of taping my bum together I'd want others to know of my cleverness. I also get bum rashes and if she hasn't tried Bordeau's Butt Paste, she should.
I needed this today, Lynn! Seriously, how funny is Mrs. Bird?! How lucky of her to have you as a friend! I have a sister-in-law that duct taped her cheeks up to give her a "lift" and asked her husband to tell her which he liked: the regular bum cheeks, or the new and improved duct taped bum cheesks. I couldn't believe she told us...but then again, she's not Mrs. Bird. I've missed reading your blog now that I've dropped off the blogging bandwagon. My camera died last May and I'm still in mourning...haven't had the heart (or $) to replace it. Tell Mrs. Bird that RESINOL (over the counter---have the pharmacist order it in) is truly the magic potion for bum rash. It really is!
Girls, I called Mrs. Bird and gave her your recommendations. She is going to the pharmacy tomorrow. She told me another "bum" story and I will probably post it soon.
You should all come hang out on the lawn swings this summer and I'll have Mrs. Bird come down and entertain you...for hours. I'm not kidding. She can go for hours and all her stories are funny.
Lynette! I've missed you. You were taking a photography class, weren't you? Your camera died? Get it fixed. I loved your blog.
Gilmore Girl, we should play for sure. I'm free Friday.
Oh, my goodness! The drama that goes on at church that I have no clue about! What would I do without your humor and insight?
If I bumped into Mrs Bird i would try to avoid this subject not sure I want to know LOL
Oh dear. I should have come back here to read all the comments the other day when I was feeling so bummed (pardon the pun). I really needed the laugh then, but so grateful for it even now.
Dear Mrs. Bird. How I love that woman! Can't wait for the lawn swings, Lynne. Let me know, and I'll come help you drag them out.
Good Morning America.
Best regards
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I have not been very acquainted with bummy rashes since I had little ones---so I am not sure whether Desitin works on adults as well as children.
Something to think about, though.
You made me laugh, girl...
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